Revenge
by Tsvety
Summary: SEQUEL TO "PAIN". Four weeks after his breakdown, because of Shay's death, Kelly's trying hard to rebuilt his life. But he will soon discover something that would shatter everyone's world once again. Who is responsible for Shay's death? Why? Would Kelly be able to recover, or this time he would lose the battle forever? Would Casey, Lindsay and firehouse 51 be able to help him?
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone, and welcome to my new story. It is a sequel to "Pain", and even though I'd be happy if you read it, I am sure you would easily follow this one even if you don't. It's funny, because I had this idea long before the last episode of Chicago Fire aired, and I'm so looking forward to seeing what happens in our favorite show next. I tend to update once a week.

Note - text in italics (except for lyrics) is taken from the final chapter of "Pain"

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 1**

A dark figure walked through the back exit of an old warehouse, making sure to avoid every video camera around. He had planned it well – he knew every single detail of the building, knew where the guards were, where they liked sitting during shifts, where the manager's offices were. He made his way to a relatively big room on the first floor and looked around in satisfaction. It was all going so well. He put a small radio close to the door, with the "turn on" timer counting down the minutes until it was time…Very carefully, he positioned two small propane tanks in the corner of the room, then took out a metal coil, sitting on an oxidizer…It was payback time.

Xxx

"Hey, look who's back!" Herrmann exclaimed when Kelly Severide walked into the locker room ten minutes before shift. It was his first shift after four weeks of attending the meetings of Kara's support group…four weeks of hell, preceded by months of even worse hell, if it was any possible. Squad Lt. had gone through the impossible – losing Leslie Shay two years after his childhood friend Andy Darden had died. After his complete breakdown four weeks earlier, he had put a lot of effort into building his life again, but it was just hard.

"It's good to see you back, Lieutenant." Cruz added, patting Severide's shoulder before heading away.

"Not that we didn't like your relief lieutenant." Otis grinned and went after Cruz.

"Yea." Kelly muttered in response. He spent the next few minutes changing into his uniform before slamming the door of his locker shut and heading to Boden's office to have a word with him. Frankly said, Squad Lt. wasn't feeling ready to be back, but it was all part of the healing process, or so they said. Luckily, the alarm sounded, calling Truck 81, Squad 3 and Ambulance 61 to a structure fire.

Severide took a deep breath and ran towards Squad, not responding to any of the remarks his buddies made. Everyone was glad to finally see him back, but they had their own way of showing it.

"Nice welcome back call." Capp took his eyes off the fire in front of him and shook his head in disbelief, just before Tony pulled over close to the burning warehouse. Its five storeys were already consumed by flames, but by the look on Boden's face, there were people inside. Kelly jumped off his seat and joined Chief and Casey, who had arrived a few seconds earlier.

"There are at least four people inside!" Boden informed them. "Two guards on the ground floor, the manager and his son probably on the third or fourth!"

"Copy that, Chief!" Kelly didn't need any more instructions. He put on his mask and helmet and yelled orders to his men before running into the building.

"Cruz, Herrmann, vent the roof! Otis, take Dawson and lock up the elevators." Casey didn't want the father and son panicking and taking the elevators. "Mouch, you with me. Need to find the guards fast!"

Boden watched through greeted teeth as everyone spun into action. He had a bad feeling and the cloud of black smoke that came out one of the windows just after the last of his men disappeared inside the building didn't help. He could hear through the radio Severide yelling for anyone there to call out, Casey doing the same on the ground floor.

"I…flo…check." Chief recognized Otis' voice, but he couldn't make any sense of the words.

"Otis…s…again." Matt ordered.

Boden's eyes locked with Mills', both of them reliving the moments before the building that had taken the life of one of their own had exploded. They felt relieved when Mouch and Casey emerged, supporting the two guards. Mills and Brett guided them to the ambulance, while Truck Lt. was preparing to go back inside.

"Lost contact with Otis and Dawson!" Matt yelled loud enough for Chief to hear him through the mask. He had barely made two steps towards the entrance when an explosion on the first floor knocked down all the windows. Not wasting a second, Casey stormed inside, hoping that everyone was safe and sound. He ran into Newhouse and Capp, who had the father and son.

"Severide?"

"First floor. Dawson said that Otis is down!" Capp replied, not having time to reveal more details. Matt took the stairs two at a time, joining Severide in the search of their fallen brother close the place where the explosion had taken place. Kelly had pushed Gabby aside, not wanting to risk her life, too.

"Otis, call out!" Squad Lt. yelled, moving through zero visibility towards the sound of Brian's pass device.

"Otis!" Casey tried again, following Kelly, until they reached their brother. The explosion had dislocated his helmet, but his mask looked intact. Both men felt relieved when they heard Otis groan and move his hand in an attempt to push himself upright.

"Come on, let's get the hell out of here!" Kelly ordered. The two lieutenants helped Otis all the way to Ambo 61, where a pair of paramedics were expecting them.

"I thought I heard someone calling for help…there was nobody in there." Brian tried to explain before Ambo took off on its way to the hospital. According to Chao, one of the paramedics, Otis was going to be okay, but they were taking him there just in case…

Xxx

Next morning Kelly was first to leave the firehouse after shift was over, thankful that Otis had been sent home after the hospital visit and would return to full duty starting next shift. He had hidden it well, but almost losing another member of 51 had brought back his fear that everyone he cared about was going to leave him. He knew he was on the verge of losing it, so a few seconds after shift ended, Kelly sneaked out through the back exit, driving away. Half an hour later, he pulled over in front of the familiar house, where Kara held the meetings of the support group for firefighters who had lost close family and friends. It had been four weeks since Matt and Lindsay had talked him into coming for the very first time, and he hadn't missed a single meeting since. Kelly walked inside slowly, joining the group, everyone being there already.

"Kelly, you have something to share?" Kara looked at him, having noticed his concerned expression. She hadn't admitted it loudly, but he was one of the hardest patients she had ever had.

Severide looked away for a moment, knowing that bottling up his emotions wouldn't do him any good. He had promised Shay that he would fight his demons and he had to keep the promise, no matter how hard it was.

"I...we almost lost another one yesterday. This was my first shift back, and Otis almost died!"

"What happened?" The firefighter left of him asked, having lost men himself.

"I don't know…there was something blocking our communications, the next thing I heard was an explosion somewhere below me. Made my way downstairs and heard Dawson yell that Otis had gone into the room where the explosion happened…it just reminded me of the day Shay died, I guess."

"This is normal. You just shouldn't let it get to you."

"Yeah, 'cuz you know what it's like to lose people inside burning buildings!" Kelly barked icily, starting to regret his words the moment he said them.

"No, I don't. But I know what you're thinking and I'm telling you that what happened on shift is not your fault. It's your job to run inside burning buildings and things like this happen way too often."

"And they all happen when I'm around, damn it!"

"C'mon man, every one of us has lost people, am I right?" Mike, a Squad lieutenant, exclaimed, and eleven "yes" were heard.

"Plus, your man is okay, right? I bet you were the one to get him out."

"Me and Casey."

"See? You saved his life, man."

"Yeah…" Kelly murmured, not too convinced, but glad that there were people who knew exactly how he felt.

Xxx

_***One week later***_

"_Close the door, Casey." Boden ordered with deep sadness in his voice. He had been sitting in his office with a man from Arson Investigations for the past one hour, and by the looks on their faces, the topic wasn't any good. _

"_What's going on, Chief?" Matt sat on the only free chair, waiting for an explanation._

"_You remember the first structure fire after Severide came back?" _

"_I do…almost lost Otis." Casey said as a reminder, even though he was sure that Chief remembered that they had been close to losing another one._

"_We found this." The Arson Investigation man pulled out a metal coil, sitting on something way too familiar to Matt and Boden. "It's been used to start the fire."_

_Casey looked at Chief with a horrified expression, having the feeling that there was more to the story._

"_Another team has found the same coil near the propane tanks that exploded when we…lost Shay" Chief barely made himself say these words. "1751 written under the oxidizer."_

"_It wasn't until we opened this case that we saw the link." The AI guy tried to defend his colleagues. _

"_You mean the link to Hadley?" Casey clenched his fists tight, his anger about to explode._

"_We cannot tie him to these fires. Hadley's in prison after spending six months in a burn centre."_

"_Does Severide know?" Matt ignored the Arson guy for a moment, focusing his attention on his friend. What he had been just told had the potential to push Kelly back to square one, or worse - completely destroy him._

"_No…not yet." Boden sighted, wishing for the nightmare to be finally over._ "And I prefer it to stay this way for now, at least until we have solid evidence."

"Yea." Casey nodded in agreement. He was scared - scared what Kelly might do, scared how Dawson was going to react, scared that it could hit the house badly. Losing someone was tough, but finding out that someone you had worked with for years was responsible was way beyond this. Truck Lt. exchanged a look with Chief and then fixed his eyes on the AI guy. "You talked to Hadley yet?"

"I did. He found it hilarious but said nothing! And the truth is that he has a solid alibi and we have no evidence, except for this coil, which doesn't prove much."

"Doesn't prove much?" Matt stood up, kicking his chair away, finding it hard to keep his temper in check anymore. "Severide's badge number is written underneath!"

"It only means that these fires might be connected to him! Look, I know that it's personal for all of you, but you need to be patient and let me do my job. Just be extra careful handling similar fires and I'll tell you if we find anything new.

"You better." Casey's words sounded more like e threat and Boden couldn't blame him for this, as he was feeling the same way. He watched in silence as Truck Lt. turned around and stormed out, wondering if they would be able to hide the information from Kelly.

Xxx

When Casey got home after shift, he was happy to see that Kelly wasn't home yet and Gabby had gone to Molly's with Herrmann to sort out some bills. Matt had been avoiding Squad Lt. all shift long, fearing that Severide could somehow guess by the expression on his face what was going on. Truck Lt. knew that they couldn't afford it – for Kelly's and everyone else's sake. Severide was doing his best to hide it, but he was still getting upset every time he or anyone else mentioned Shay or Darden, every time he saw a blond woman or they had a call with casualties. Boden had asked Capp to keep an eye on Squad Lt. during and after calls, just to make sure he was okay. It didn't mean that Chief didn't trust Kelly, no, the thing was that Severide didn't trust himself. So what if he found out that an ex-member of his own Squad was responsible for the death of Shay? What if he found out that his best friend had died, because an insane ex-firefighter was targeting him, when he had worked so hard to convince himself that it wasn't his fault? What if the attacks on 51 weren't over? How would it affect everyone else?

Matt grabbed a mug of coffee and crashed on the couch, trying to answer these questions, without any luck. He was actually relieved when there was a knock on the door. He pushed himself upright, letting Lindsay in.

"Hey, what's up? Kelly okay?" She looked at him, worried. She had got a weird call from Matt, asking her to stop by his place as soon as possible, not explaining the reason.

"Yea, he's finishing up some paperwork that has piled up."

"Then what's going on?"

Matt took a deep breath, not knowing what to begin with. "You should probably sit." He waited until she made herself comfortable on the coach and brought another streaming coffee for her. During the next fifteen minutes he told her everything about the conversation with the AI guy and Boden he had had, feeling relieved that he had finally shared it with someone. Casey and Lindsay had become really close friends during the nightmare with Kelly, so he knew she would understand him and the source of his worry.

"You know we can't hide it from Kelly forever." Lindsay sighted, thinking the same as Truck Lt. "He was a main witness in Hadley's trial, was closest to where the fire that blew off the propane tanks started, and there is evidence that he was the target…It's a matter of time before AI talks to him."

"I know." Matt didn't bother to hide the frustration in his voice. "I don't like the guy leading the investigation." He added, giving a hint why he had called Erin.

"What's his name?"

"Alan Smith."

"I'll have a word with him. You can't imagine - " Erin stopped in the middle of her sentence, having heard the front door being open.

Kelly murmured a "hi" and walked into the kitchen, looking for the bread to make himself a sandwich. "Hate paperwork."

"Who doesn't?!" Lindsay smirked, finishing her coffee.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Came to get my purse." Erin was glad that she had really left her purse there after their last game night. The two had got very close in the past few weeks, closer than ever before, but they were still keeping things in the friend zone.

"Okay. I gotta go. See you at 7 at the cinema." Kelly grabbed the sandwich and his keys and headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Matt insisted on knowing, trying hard to sound normal.

"The boat yard."

Xxx

Six hours later, Kelly put the screwdriver he had been using to fix the motor of a boat in his car and got into the driver's seat, ready to go meet Lindsay at the cinema. He didn't want to admit it, but he was doing his best to keep himself occupied every second he wasn't at 51. So he was spending a lot of time at the boat yard, working for various clients, not because he needed the money, but because he feared that he might slip on a banana peel otherwise.

Kelly's phone buzzled in his pocket, but when he looked at the id of the caller, it didn't show anything. He narrowed his eyes, wondering who this could be. Another client maybe? Someone from the firehouse?

"Hello." He answered the call, his tone indicating that he was expecting for the caller to say their name. But what he heard next took him by surprise, scared him even.

"Kelly Severide." The gruff voice was clearly male, sounding like it was coming though one of these voice changer machines. There was no way Severide could guess who the caller was.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Someone who would make you wish you were never born."

"What the hell - "

"I guess your dear friend Casey and that police chick didn't tell you. And you thought you could trust them." The voice laughed sarcastically, clearly enjoying torturing the Squad Lt.

"Tell me what?"

"Tell you that it was your fault! I started the fire that took the life of your precious Leslie Shay. Ask them!..I lost everything I had because of you and your house 51. Now it's your turn…Ask them!" The line went dead, leaving Kelly to sit motionless in his car. So it was his fault after all. One wonderful person had died because of him. His best friend…the only one he could trust to was gone, because of him. And they all knew – Matt, Erin, Chief, everyone pretending to be his friend…He felt betrayed, again, felt as if he had nothing to live for, again. Kelly dropped the phone on the floor and covered his face with his hands, wishing for death to finally put an end to his misery.

_Your heart is full of broken dreams_

_Just a fading memory_

_And everything's gone but the pain carries on_

_Lost in the rain again_

_When will it ever end?_

_The arms of relief seem so out of reach_

_(Red – "Not alone")_

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**_Okay, if Hadley is in prison, who is our mysterious guy? Well, I am not gonna tell you yet, sorry! :) _**

**_For anyone wondering, 1751 is Kelly's badge number._**

**_What do you think? Do you like it? Or maybe hate it? Please review, any comments would be appreciated! _**


	2. Chapter 2

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 2**

Casey got back home around 11pm, having spent the last eight hours repainting the living room of an elderly couple. It had helped him forget the last shift's events for a few hours, but the moment he walked inside his apartment and saw Gabby on the couch, watching a movie, it all felt real again. He looked at Dawson for a split second and remembered Erin's words – they couldn't hide the vital information from everyone else. They needed to be prepared, mentally and physically, and know what to expect on future calls in order to protect themselves.

"Hey." Gabby jumped off her seat into Casey's arms, giving him a kiss. "I like it when you smell like fresh paint." She opened her mouth to say that they were home alone, but then noticed her fiancée's somehow concerned expression. "Okay, Matt, what's going on? You've been acting weird since yesterday. And don't tell me it's nothing, because your worried face tells me otherwise!"

Casey looked her in the eyes for a brief moment, debating with himself what to tell her. "We need to talk."

"You're scaring me."

"Let's sit." Casey insisted, guiding Dawson back on the couch. "You remember the AI guy from yesterday?"

"Yea, Boden said it was a personal visit."

"No…He's looking into the fire that almost killed Otis."

"Okay." Dawson uttered, confused why this was such a big deal.

"AI found the same metal coil that Hadley used to set up his fires…with Severide's badge number written underneath…next to propane tanks."

"Matt - "

"It turns out that they've found the same coil close to the propane tanks in the building that…that killed Shay." Matt finally let it out, wrapping his girl into a tight hug. "It wasn't an accident."

The two spent the next ten minutes in complete silence, Gabby sobbing quietly on Casey's shoulder. He told her every single detail, everything AI had told him. After his talk with Erin, he had called Boden and the two had agreed to tell everyone from the firehouse the truth, to prepare them for future arsons and the investigation. But Matt knew he had to tell Kelly first and hope for the best. What he did not know was that Squad Lt. had been contacted by the arsonist himself, and he wasn't spending the night with Erin as planned…

Xxx

_Darkness creeps into daylight_

_You're leaving_

_Treasures hidden in our mind_

_The memories_

_The time we had was fleeting_

_The strength is just believing now_

_(Red – "As you go")_

Kelly spent the night on a bench near the boat yard, alone. He wasn't feeling the cold, even though it was mid January…he wasn't feeling anything. He had called Erin the previous evening to cancel their movie date, claiming that he had been stuck fixing the motor of a boat and he'd had to stay late and finish it. He had then walked around the boat yard for an hour, trying to clear his head, but the guilt, the guilt that he was the reason why Shay wasn't with them anymore, was threatening to consume him inside out. He wanted only one thing – to get a drink, or ten, and feel again the relief that alcohol brought. But he couldn't…not because he had worked so hard to stop and fix his life, no, but because from this moment on he had only one purpose in life – to get the arsonist and sent him to hell with a one way ticket, even if he had to pay with his own life.

Around 8am a couple came to check on their boat and Kelly decided that it was time to go. He got up slowly and walked back to his car, then drove recklessly to Matt's place, even though he didn't want to see his face. Yes, Kelly was feeling betrayed, again, by one of the handful people he thought he could trust to. He went in quietly, hoping that Dawson and Casey were still sleeping. When he didn't see them anywhere, he made his way to the guest bedroom and changed into his running clothes, desperately needing to let off some steam.

"You and Lindsay last night?" Casey's voice took Kelly by surprise when he returned into the living room, preparing to go out. Matt had heard him come back and had got up to make some coffee and have the talk with Severide he had been dreading for days.

"What?" Kelly growled, not bothering to even look at Truck Lt.

"You didn't come home last night so I assumed – " Matt stopped in the middle of the sentence, having just seen the tormented expression on his friend's face. "You okay?"

"Yea, why shouldn't I be!?" Severide spat out, but he couldn't fool Truck Lt. so easily. Kelly pulled the handle of the door to get out of there as soon as possible, but Casey blocked his way, slamming the door shut. He was sure the noise had awaken Dawson, but hoped that she would give them some privacy. "Get the hell out of my way, Casey!"

"Not until you tell me what's up with you. You made me promise that I won't let you slip away again, so deal with it!"

"You really wanna know?" Severide frowned. "I got a phone call from an arsonist, telling me that I've ruined his life so he's going to ruin mine. You know how? By setting up fires, like the one that killed Shay. But you already know this, don't you?" Kelly's tone was firm, but the pain he was feeling with every word said was still detectable. Matt didn't know what to say…didn't know how to react. What he knew was that he had failed his friend by hiding the truth and in Kelly's case, it could destroy him. He watched motionless as Severide shoved past him and disappear through the door.

Xxx

Kelly had no idea how long he had been running aimlessly, fighting the demons in his head, when he finally noticed the name of the street he was on. He stopped and fixed his eyes on the remains of a tall building…the building that has taken the life of his best friend. It was labelled as dangerous, but he didn't give a damn. Without thinking any more, Kelly headed for the entrance, the familiar evil voice in his head urging him to go to the same spot where the propane tanks had exploded, as if he would find the arsonist there. He walked in, the pain and desperation he was feeling completely clouding his judgement. It wasn't until he got to the stairs when he finally remembered that most of the stairwell leading to the top of the building had been destroyed.

"Damn it!" Kelly cursed under his breath, his feet taking him to the first floor, his mind screaming that it was a terrible idea. But a few seconds later, he found himself standing at the exact same spot where Shay had died, where the beam had fallen, taking away one precise life.

"Hell, Shay, it shouldn't have been you!" Severide pressed his eyes closed, trying to stop the wave of tears coming. But when he opened them a few seconds later, he noticed a small piece of paper laying in his feet. He wiped the tears away and took the paper in his hand, staring at the words blankly. _"Hello, Lieutenant! I knew you were gonna come here. See how much I know about you, and you know nothing about me! I didn't know who was gonna die inside this building, but I was hoping that it would make you suffer. You can imagine how satisfied I was when it was Shay. She did not deserve it though. She was the only innocent person from your house. I'll tell her to thank you if we meet in our afterlife. I guess the question now is, who's gonna be the next?" _

Kelly sat on the filthy floor for the next two hours, reading the note over and over again…Yes, the arsonist had succeeded, Severide was already regretting the day he was born. And this was only the beginning…

That day, for the first time since he had started going there, he skipped a meeting of Kara's support group. Instead, he went to Shay's grave, needing to apologize to her, to ask her to forgive him, to promise her that he would get the one responsible.

The night came fast and Kelly realized that he had no place to go. He was all alone in this world, having lost the people who had been his family, betrayed by others claiming to be his friends. So he spent the night at the only place that he still felt like something close to home – house 51.

Xxx

"Hadley." A man wearing a black hoodie and dark jeans sat across the table, staring at the ex-firefighter. Prison had completely changed Kevin – he looked older, bitter, hungry for revenge. His face was covered in scars from the fire he had set on himself, scars that reminded him of the men who had destroyed his perfect life. The same men had done it to others…others who were also hungry for revenge. This hunger had bonded the two men and nothing could stop them now. They were the perfect team – one smart, having spent a lot of time planning everything, the other ready to follow orders, having the desire to kill and destroy in order to get personal satisfaction…

"All done?" Hadley asked, knowing that they didn't have much time. He was allowed visitors only twice a month, and they had to use the time wisely and not attract attention.

"Yes. Severide didn't take it very well." The other man smirked.

"I told you so! You do as I say, we both get what we want."

"I want them all to pay the price!"

"Be patient!" Hadley barked through greeted teeth, but when some of the inmates close to him shot him a glance, he decided to keep his voice down. "Severide first. Then the others. I want him to watch them suffer and believe it's all his fault. Trust me, this would be much more painful for him than death."

"Alright! And Hadley, you start playing games with me when you get out of here, I'll - "

"Don't worry!" Hadley cut him off. "I depend on you as much as you do on me!"

Xxx

_"It's your fault, Kelly! Your fault!" Shay kept repeating until she grasped for her last breath and closed her eyes, forever. All Kelly could do was watch. Then her face disappeared, replaced by a disgusting one. It was laughing at him, Severide could feel his stinky breath, but the face was blurry, had no name. Who was this person?_

Kelly turned his head around and looked at his phone for a hundredth time – it was finally time to get up as shift was about to start in half an hour. He had barely slept, the nightmares not allowing him close his eyes for more than fifteen minutes. He ignored the missed calls and texts he had received from Casey, Lindsay and Kara, and shoved his mobile back into the drawer of his desk, before getting up and heading toward the showers.

Fifteen minutes later he made his way to the locker room, relieved that there was nobody there. He unlocked his locker and changed into his uniform. Having just put his shirt on, he caught a glimpse of his reflection on the locker's door…yea, he looked like hell. Kelly closed the door, but didn't move, staring at his reflection. Why? What the hell had he done to deserve this?

"Damn you!" He yelled, punching the locker, not giving a damn if the people in the kitchen had heard him. Severide hit the rusty metal again, and again, until someone grabbed his arm from behind, forcing him to stop, his knuckles already bleeding a little bit.

"Kelly! Stop it!" Casey urged his friend before he could hurt himself any further. "Stop it!"

"Severide!" It wasn't until Chief spoke that Kelly realized what he was doing. Matt felt his friend's body relax under his grip to the point where Squad Lt. was barely standing on his feet. Truck Lt. helped him sit on the bench, waiting patiently until Kelly got some control over his emotions.

"That's why we didn't tell you!" Matt retorted, his own feelings fuelling his anger. Shay had been his friend, too, and even though he had stayed strong for his friends, the news had shaken him as well.

"Why? 'cuz you thought I'd go nuts again?!" Kelly muttered, not looking at the two men next to him. He was hurt and he didn't have the will-power to hide it. "

"No…Because you worked too damn hard to fix your life and we didn't want to break it into pieces again."

"Same thing." Squad Lt. growled.

"No, it's not! We did it to protect you!" Matt explained, wondering if Kelly was really listening to his words. "It was a mistake. When you came home yesterday I was about to tell you."

"Kelly" Boden took a deep breath. "Look at me." Chief waited patiently until Severide did so, reluctantly. "You are not alone, and you'll never be. We can fight this, together."

"This call, what did he tell you?" Casey was talking about the call from the arsonist.

"That…it's my fault that…that Shay died." Kelly replied weakly. "To ask you."

"Bastard." Truck Lt. muttered. It looked like the arsonist has done his homework. "Listen, don't allow him to mess up your mind. If you believe him, it means that he has already won."

Kelly didn't want to admit it, but Matt was right. The problem was that the arsonist knew pretty well what Severide's weakest place was and had struck straight there. "What am I supposed to do, Casey?"

"Trust us on this…I know that you wanna go after him, but the best thing you can do is ignore him and let AI do their job. Lindsay's keeping an eye on the investigation."

"They might be able to trace the call to someone." Boden suggested. As much as he wanted to keep his Squad Lt. out of the investigation, he had a feeling that it would be impossible.

"It can't be Hadley." Matt's mouth opened before his mind remembered that he still hadn't told his friend what AI had told him.

"What?"

Casey sighted, but he knew that he had to tell Kelly the truth. Actually, he had yet to tell everyone from firehouse 51 the same news. "AI found a metal coil that has been used to start the fire last week. Similar coil has been found near the propane tanks that exploded…your badge number written underneath."

"Son of - "

"It can't be him. Hadley's in jail." Matt stated the obvious, but Severide ignored him completely, lost in his own thoughts.

"I'll pay him a visit after shift." Kelly growled, looking away. It went without saying that Squad Lt. had every intention of causing the ex-firefighter a lot of pain if he ever got the chance to get anywhere near him.

"Kelly - " Boden tried to warn him, but as Herrmann had once said, when Severide got the look in his eyes he had in that moment, he didn't listen to anybody.

"I'll…take Lindsay with me."

Xxx

"Morning." Boden looked at every one of his men and women. They had gathered in the conference room right after shift had started at his request, wondering what was going on. Most of them had heard Severide's breakdown and bits and piece of his conversation with Truck Lt. and Chief earlier in the morning, but they had no idea what was wrong. The only people in the room who knew – Matt and Dawson, were leaning against the wall near the door, while Kelly had refused to attend, not able to deal with everyone's pity or hear the story once again…the story that reminded him that he was the reason why Shay gone.

"Morning." Many voices replied at the same time, looking at their Chief as if they knew the news won't be any good.

"There isn't an easy way to say this." Boden didn't want to beat around the bush. "We have reasons to believe that the fire that killed Shay, as well as the one from last week where Otis got injured, were set up by an arsonist, targeting Kelly Severide." He paused for a second, but didn't give his people the chance to start talking before he was done. In the next five minutes he told them everything he knew, all the details AI had given him. "I want you all to be extra careful…whoever the arsonist is, he's out for blood."

"Chief, how's Severide holding up?" Cruz looked up at Boden, everyone wondering the same. But before Chief could answer the alarm sounded, calling all companies to a structure fire…at the building Kelly and Shay had used to live.

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**Thank you all for reading, it means a lot to me!**

**I bet you hate Hadley more than ever right now, haha! But who's helping him? It would be interesting to hear your suggestions, even though I'm not gonna tell you if you're right or wrong (I don't want to spoil it!)**

**I know that Lindsay was missing from this chapter, but I wanted to focus on the bromance and how the news affected our firehouse 51. They all love Shay after all.**

**I promise you a lot more Linseride in the next few chapters!**

**As always, please review. **


	3. Chapter 3

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 3**

Squad 3 came to a controlled stop behind Truck and Chief's car, close to the burning building…the place which Kelly and Shay had once been calling home. Squad Lt. jumped off his seat, and holding his mask with one hand, stepped toward Boden, doing his best to put his emotions at bay. People were running out the nearby apartments, but fortunately, it was lunchtime so most people weren't home.

Chief opened his mouth to yell orders to his men, when the front door of Kelly's ex-apartment opened and a man in his early thirties ran out, his shirt on fire. Mouch and Herrmann jumped on him with a blanket, putting off the fire. A big explosion coming from the apartment followed and it wasn't hard for anyone to figure out that it had been set by the arsonist.

"Everyone step back! We'll go defensive!" Chief ordered, not letting Severide out of his sight.

"My…family's…there." Kelly's heart almost came to a stop when he heard the man who had just stormed out of the place say. Brett and Mills were already treating his injuries, ready to head off to Chicago Med.

"Severide!" Boden blocked his Lt's way when it became clear that Kelly was about to run inside. The building was falling apart, but could they let a mother and a baby die?! The worst part was that Squad Lt. knew them personally, having visited the place a few times after moving out.

"I'm going inside!" Kelly barked, trying to shove past Chief. "Damn it, I can't let any more people die because of me!"

Kelly was right, they had to do something. Boden stepped aside and looked at his other Lt. who was already preparing to go in with Severide. "You have two minutes! Two minutes!"

"Fire department! Call out!" Squad Lt. yelled, making his way into the living room. It was fortunate that he was familiar with the place as they couldn't see anything through the smoke. "Debora!" He yelled, but Matt didn't like the personal connection his friend had to the people whose fate was unknown. "Casey, upstairs!" Kelly meant that he was going upstairs and Truck Lt. had to search the third room on the ground floor. Actually, Severide sent him to the room closest to the exit just in case…

Kelly ran upstairs, not having time to remember the old times. A baby's cry caught his attention and he stormed into Shay's old bedroom. "Casey, over here!" He yelled through the radio before kneeling down and moving through the room in the direction of the baby's cry. He finally got to them, the mother curled around the baby protectively under the broken window.

"Severide, what's their status?" Matt demanded. Truck Lt. moved forward until he reached his motionless friend, the bad news going without saying. "Kell, we need to get of here!"

"She's…dead." Kelly looked at Matt in disbelief, not able to process it fast enough. A loud _bang_ sounded behind them and Casey could only hope that the stairs were still intact. "Severide, get the baby and get out of here!" Truck Lt. ordered, his voice loud enough to bring Kelly back to reality. Squad Lt. reached out and grabbed the baby, then put the little girl, who had slight pulse, under his jacket. With the corner of his eyes he saw Casey take the body of the mother in his hands and follow him all the way to the entrance. It wasn't long after they made it out when another explosion took place, and the roof collapsed…

Xxx

"Hey." Erin smiled politely to the firefighters and paramedics in the kitchen of house 51. Their shift was going to be over in 5 minutes, but no one dared to start preparing for going home as a lot could happen is 300 seconds. She looked around but did not see the man she was looking for. Having been told by Matt everything about their call at Kelly's ex-apartment, she didn't hide her worried face. "Kelly?"

"In his quarters. Hasn't come out since we came back." Casey shrugged. He was worried, too, but couldn't blame his friend for his reaction. Thankfully, the baby and the father had made it, but they had lost the mother and they all knew that the arson had specifically targeted their Squad Lt. Hell, he knew it, too, and he couldn't look everyone in the eyes, knowing that one more person had lost her life, because a madman was looking for some sort of revenge. "I still think that's a bad idea."

"It's better than letting him go alone." The detective was talking about her intention to pay Hadley a visit with Kelly. Actually, she had pulled some strings to arrange it, hoping that they may get some useful information. She had been against it in the beginning, but when Kelly had made it clear that he was going there one way or another, she hadn't had much choice…"Guys." Lindsay looked at every one of them. "CPD is working alongside AI and I promise you, we'll get him."

"I want a piece of him." Mills growled, clenching his fists tight. He hadn't admitted it, but his life had been changed forever because of the building explosion, too.

"You'll have it." Erin promised before heading toward Kelly's quarters. She could see through the blinds that the lights were off, but had no idea what her friend was doing. Lindsay knocked once and pulled the handle of the door, catching a quick glimpse of the inside through the small opening. She fixed her eyes on the dark figure of Kelly, sitting on his chair and leaning forward on his desk, his elbows touching the wooden surface, his face buried into his palms. He was trying to distance himself from the world, or better yet, somehow disappear. "Oh, Kelly." Erin whispered and walked inside, closing the door quietly. She made her way to Severide's desk and wrapped him into a tight hug, every fibre of her body wanting to take the pain away.

"I…can't take it anymore." He sobbed, feeling like an emotional bomb ready to explode. "Who's next? Casey, Dawson…you…the firehouse?!"

"There won't be next."

"You…don't know this." He wiped away the tears in his eyes, but they were immediately flooded by a new wave. "I wish he would just finish me off…" Severide looked at Lindsay with glassy eyes, his expression proving that he meant every word.

"Kelly…you have to put up a fight. Can't let him win!" Erin was standing right beside him, unsure what to say to help him. Because, frankly, if she was in his shoes, she would have probably thought the same.

"If it means that no more people would die because of me - "

"Listen, don't allow him to push you back to where you were a month and a half ago!" The detective cut him off, not wanting to hear the end of the sentence.

Squad Lt. grimaced, remaining silent for a few seconds. "Too late." He didn't realize he had said it loudly until Erin shot him a glance. "But this time I have something to live for…won't stop until he gets what he deserves, and I'm not talking about prison, Erin!"

"Don't stoop down to his level. Not worth it your life and career."

"Lost both the day that s*n of a b*tch took Shay away from me!" Kelly muttered through gritted teeth. "I tried to put the pieces back together, but apparently it's not gonna happen."

Lindsay didn't have the chance to respond as Matt knocked on the door and he and Dawson walked in, telling them that they were heading home.

Xxx

The nearly three hour drive to the Federal Correctional Institution in Pekin was spent almost entirely in silence. Kelly had made it clear when they had got into the car that he hadn't been in a mood for discussing his state-of-mind further and Erin had been trying to respect his wish as much as possible.

Lindsay pulled over in the visitor's parking lot and looked at Squad Lt. with concern in her eyes. "Kelly, I have already arranged the meeting, but you need to promise me two things before we go in."

Severide frowned, waiting to hear Erin's demands.

"Don't let him play mind games with you. And I need to know that you won't stop going to the support meetings. You skipped the last one…"

"I won't and what's the point? Every time I make a step forward something pushes me two backwards!"

"If not for you then do it for me." Lindsay literally pleaded. Kelly granted her with a barely detectable nod before getting out and heading toward the visitor's main entrance. Lindsay pulled out some paperwork she had had to do beforehand and fifteen minutes later they were sitting on uncomfortable chairs in a place that resembled an interrogation room. How exactly Erin had arranged the meeting Severide did not know. All that mattered was that he'd be able to look Hadley in the eyes and ask _why_.

The door opened a few seconds later and both visitors watched two guards walk Hadley in to a chair opposite them, not bothering to uncuff him. He looked at Squad Lt. with smug satisfaction, waiting to see if his behaviour would trick Severide into saying something he would regret later.

"Lieutenant, I am honoured by your visit!" The ex-firefighter said sarcastically.

"Don't be." Lindsay growled, her CPD training and years of experience telling her that Hadley was hiding a lot behind the cheerful face.

"Why? I've never expected that the great hero Kelly Severide would waste his time in such a way! Don't you have fires…to fight?"

"Fires you set, you s*n of a b*t*h!" Kelly barked, feeling Erin's supportive hand on his knee.

"I do what?" Hadley asked casually, acting confused. He didn't care if his theatre couldn't fool his visitors, because their presence there meant that they had nothing against him.

"Fire that killed Leslie Shay – metal coil sitting on an oxidizer used to start it - your signature. Fire specifically targeting a firefighter, Otis almost lost his life – your signature. Fire at Kelly's old apartment – one woman dead, one baby without a mother – your signature! All three connected to Kelly. Not to mention the phone call and the note you sent him!" Lindsay stated as professionally as possible, carefully monitoring the ex-firefighter's reaction.

"So there has been a new one? The AI guy only mentioned two."

"Answer her!" Kelly barked, hitting the table in order to resist punching Hadley in the face.

"Listen to me very carefully, Lieutenant! Thanks to you nobody believed that I have never set any fires. Thanks to you I lost my life. I look like Shrek and live in a cell. How can I have anything to do with the fires you mentioned, when there are hundreds of witnesses that I spend every second locked in here like a criminal?!"

"You are a criminal!" Erin snapped.

"We'll see." Hadley smirked, not revealing his plan further. "I haven't done anything wrong, but I won't deny that you being so miserable makes me happy."

Kelly shot him a disgusted look. "If you want me, why kill innocent people, huh?" He asked, ignoring Hadley's complete denial.

"You sure you haven't lost your mind after the death of Shay? I've just told you that I've nothing to do with it!"

Lindsay reached out, but she wasn't fast enough to stop Severide from jumping off his seat and grabbing hold of Hadley's hair. "Kelly!" Luckily she managed to stop him just as he was about to smash Hadley's ugly face against the metal table. "Let him go!"

"Who's crazy now?" The ex-firefighter ginned in satisfaction just before Erin pushed Kelly out of the room. She did not realize the importance of what had just happened yet, but was about to find out very soon…

The whole thing was going as planned for Hadley. The man he hated so much was losing it, this time forever.

Xxx

"Severide, what are you doing? You don't chop the broccoli! Just put them on the tray." Matt couldn't help it but laugh at his very confused friend. Kelly had come home two hours earlier after the prison visit, refusing to talk about it. Lindsay had told Casey everything about their "trip", but as she had had to go back to the office immediately, Matt had invited her for dinner. Now, he was trying to keep Squad Lt. occupied with the food preparation, and it seemed that his plan was working.

"They are huge." Kelly took one in his hand, measuring its size with his eyes.

"Seriously, it's high time you learned how to cook. Can't live on sandwiches forever." Casey chuckled, stirring the cake powder he had just combined with eggs.

"What's wrong with my sandwiches?" Severide exclaimed, arranging the green vegetables on the tray. "They provide proteins, carbs and fats, all in one bite."

"My food is much better." The blond Lt. teased, pouring the cake mix into another tray. He put sprinkles on top before turning the oven on. "Move it, Severide, your dish is going into the oven the minute my yummy cake is ready!"

"Okay…what do I do next?"

"Chop the bacon, spread it on top of the broccoli, add some black pepper and cumin, pour 300ml cream and watch the magic happen."

Hour and a half later the table for four was all set, Dawson was already home and Erin had just knocked on the door. She handed Casey a bottle of nice red wine and followed him into the living room.

"Smells delicious in here." She commented, taking a sit.

After everyone had taken their places at the table Matt opened the wine, pouring Dawson a glass, then Lindsay, then reaching out for Severide's.

"I'm good!" Squad Lt. murmured, taking his empty glass away before Casey could grab hold of it.

"You know it's okay to have half a glass of wine or a beer every now and then, right?" Matt looked at him, trying to keep his tone cheerful.

"Let it go, Casey! It's better that way!" Kelly snapped out of nowhere. The truth was that he wanted to drink, and just forget, feel again the relief alcohol brought, but he needed no distraction from his mission in life – getting the arsonist.

"Okay." Matt granted him with a smile before changing the subject. "Gabby, you wanna try the salad? The first Severide has ever made."

Their dinner was going pretty well until the moment Dawson went into the kitchen to bring the cake and Erin's phone buzzled into her pocket. She looked at the ID of the called – Voight.

"What's up?" The CPD detective answered.

"_I think you should hear it from me." _Voight's tone frightened her. "_Hadley's case is going back to court. He's using the new fires to show that he is not the arsonist…His lawyer would try to prove that Kelly Severide is mentally unstable and it was his statement that sent that b*ast*rd to jail before!"_

"How?"

"_Somehow they know everything about his breakdown after Leslie Shay's death and they are going to use it against him. And his screw up today will do Hadley a big favour…" _

"Okay…thanks for the heads up." Erin grimaced, not knowing that her phone speaker was loud enough for Kelly, who was sitting next to her, to hear Voight's words. Unfortunately, that became clear when Severide pushed his chair aside violently and ran through the front door in a matter of a couple of seconds.

"Severide!" Casey yelled after him, wondering what had just happened.

"Give him some time…" Lindsay stopped him from going after his friend. Now she had to find a way to explain what she had been just told to Matt.

Xxx

He was sitting in his car, parked across the street from Herrmann's house. The arsonist had been standing there for the last five hours, watching the house very carefully – who was going in and out, when. Actually, he had been doing it for the past three days and already knew well the daily routine of Herrmann's whole family.…Now he had to wait for everyone to go out in the morning and follow the instructions Hadley had given him. He wasn't afraid that his visits to the prison would attract the attention of AI or CPD. Hadley had used all the money his mother had left him to buy the cooperation of one of the guards. His sister needed a kidney transplant to live, and he had agreed to keep Hadley's frequent visitor off the books…

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**Once again, thank you all for reading, hope you enjoyed this chapter, because I loved writing it! **

**What do you think of the Lindsay/Kelly moments? And what about our bromance in the kitchen? And of course, we all hate Hadley, 'cuz no one is safe – sorry Herrmann.**

**I'd love to hear your opinion, no matter what it is, so please review! Thanks! **


	4. Chapter 4

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 4**

After running away from Matt's place, Kelly wandered Chicago's streets until he reached a random bar and walked in, frustration clouding his judgement. Hadley, the b*ast*rd who had destroyed his and many other lives, was going to be a free man and it was going to be his fault. Lindsay had warned him not to let the ex-firefighter play mind games with him, but Hadley had tricked him. There was no way Kelly was going to let him get away with it…

Severide sat at the bar and ordered a double whiskey. The bartender placed it in front of him a minute later and took the money he had left on the counter. Not even touching the glass, Kelly focused his eyes on it, the golden liquid inside reminding him of his misery. The misery Hadley had put him through. But how had he set up all those fires when he was in prison? Having asked himself that question thousands of times already, it all suddenly made sense in Kelly's mind. Hadley had been using somebody else to do the dirty work…so that he could get out of prison. But who hated him and the firehouse so much? Who was trying to kill them?

"Come on, honey, come home with me!" A total stranger pushed Kelly abruptly with his shoulder, while trying to persuade a young girl to do things with him she didn't want to.

"Let me go!" The girl barked, trying to shove past the very drunk idiot.

"I said come here, b*tch!" He grabbed her wrist, pulling her toward him.

Not thinking twice, Kelly got up and pushed him aside violently. "And I say let her go and get the hell out of here!"

"You her nanny or something?" The guy smirked, Severide's patience wearing extremely thin.

"No. But I'm the one who's gonna kick your ass if you don't disappear in the next five seconds!"

The next thing Squad Lt. felt was a fist connecting with the left side of his face. Realizing that his nose was bleeding, Kelly grabbed the same hand that had just hit him and twisted it, but the dirtbag managed to punch him in the stomach with his free hand. Severide did the same with his knee, but the impact was much stronger and the other guy fell on the floor.

"How does it feel?" Unfortunately, Squad Lt. didn't stop but kicked him in the ribs again, and again, doing the same he wished he had done to Hadley, until a pair of strong hands grabbed him from behind and pushed him aside.

"Severide?" Burgess looked at him surprised to see him of all people. She and Roman were the patrolmen called to a bar fight…

"You'll pay for that, b*tch!" The guy hissed at the girl who was looking at him in disgust. Kelly turned around, but Burgess stopped him before he had the chance to jump the guy again.

"You want more?"

"Come on, Severide, let's go outside." Kim dragged him to the front of the building, where two ambulances had just stopped. Roman remained inside, arresting the other guy and talking to the witnesses. A pair of paramedics headed inside, whereas the other pair focused their attention on Squad Lt.

"Kelly?" Rafferty exclaimed, having just seen the face of her patient. "What the hell happened?"

"Nothing." He mumbled, sitting on the edge of the ambo, while Rafferty was examining him.

"You don't get that from nothing." She scolded him, but Kelly didn't give a damn. He watched as the other pair of paramedics carried his opponent on a stretcher to the second ambulance, Roman following them.

"You're lucky today. A lot of witnesses confirmed that he started the fight. The girl he was after agreed to not charge him if he forgets about you, he agreed." The male CPD officer explained.

"So I'm free to go?" Kelly blurted out, grimacing from the pain when Rafferty touched his nose.

"Not so fast. We're taking you to Chicago Med. I wanna make sure you have nothing broken." The EMT literally ordered. She turned around to look at her partner, discussing something with him for the next couple of minutes.

"Here." Roman handed him his phone. "You must have dropped it inside."

"Thanks."

"You've got several new messages from Lindsay." Roman added as if expecting Severide to read them immediately.

"I know…Listen, do not say anything about tonight to Erin, okay?" Kelly pleaded just before Rafferty closed the doors of the ambo and they left.

Xxx

When Kelly was finally discharged from the hospital it was nearly 8am. His doctor had insisted on keeping him overnight for a head scan that had shown no brain injuries or broken bones. Unfortunately, he had huge bruises near his belly, and on the face, so knew he would get asked lots of questions at some point. But Severide was relieved that he had had a place to spend the night at, because he wasn't ready for the lecture Matt and Erin were going to give him. He had texted Lindsay to let her know he was in one piece, but he had something more important to take care of before going back to Casey's apartment…

He got back to Matt's place, extremely glad that his car keys were in the inner pocket of his jacket so that there was no need for him to go inside. Getting into his car, he drove away immediately. Hour and a half later, he pulled over on the quiet street Benny Severide and his family were living.

He rang the bell twice before the door opened and a very surprised Severide senior looked at him. "I'll be damned!" Benny exclaimed, letting his son in. "What the hell happened to your face?"

"Kelly!" A 13-years old boy yelled in excitement before Squad Lt. had the chance to reply. The boy looked a lot like him at this age and it was clear that they were brothers, half-brothers to be more specific.

"Hey kiddo! You're growing up too fast. Benny's feeding you alright?"

"A bit too much actually! Told you not to eat chips for breakfast, Mickey." The older Severide scolded his younger son, not letting the older one out of his sight. There was something wrong with Kelly and he had to get to the bottom of the problem.

"Kelly, did you get hurt on a call?" Mickey asked, inspecting his face. Yeah, fires were exciting for a teenage boy.

"Something like that."

"Hey, don't you have homework to do?" Benny did his best to send Mickey off and get some privacy with Kelly. He motioned to the Squad Lt. to follow him into the living room, to the couch, then waited patiently until Kelly seemed ready for a conversation. "You gonna tell me what happened to you, or I'll have to guess?"

"It's nothing, dad. Had a small accident, let it go."

"Okay. Then why are you here? You don't just come all the way to Kenosha to have coffee with me."

"I guess you haven't heard the news." Kelly growled, not looking at his father. He told him everything about Hadley and the arsonist, and by his tone, Severide senior could tell that his son had something in mind.

"You sure it's him?"

"Sure as hell! But I need to know who's setting up fires for him!"

"Kelly, if you want my help you need to promise me that you won't stoop to their level."

"I'll do whatever it's necessary - "

"Kelly!"

"Now is the time to be the father I've never had!" Kelly snapped, and his dad didn't hide the pain he felt. Unfortunately, the younger Severide was right, and he couldn't let dim down, again. Because Benny knew his son well enough to be sure that Kelly wouldn't stop until he got to the men responsible for the death of too many people.

"What do you need me to do? Benny sighted. He made his way into the kitchen and grabbed a mug of instant coffee while Kelly was figuring out what exactly to say.

"You know people in Arson, right?"

"Depends on what people you need."

"People high up, dad." Squad Lt. barked, taking gratefully the coffee his father had just offered him. He really needed a refresher after the previous night. "I need everything they've got so far. I wanna see all the evidence, suspect list, documents, statements, anything that may point out who's doing it…he knows me, knows everyone at 51 - "

"And you think you can identify him by interfering with the investigation?" Benny cut him off, making a good point that Kelly couldn't not understand, unfortunately.

"I gotta do something!" Severide junior finished his coffee and put the empty mug on the table. "I also need to know what evidence Hadley's gonna use in court. He's getting out of jail only over my dead body!"

"Kelly, please, let the state attorney do her job. If Hadley or his lawyer find out what you're doing, they will use it against you and you'll screw up AI's investigation and everything!" Benny argued, but the expression on Kelly's face suggested that he didn't care what his father was saying.

"You did what you had to do for Katie. Now's my turn to do it for Shay! Would you help me out, or I'll have to do it the hard way?" Kelly wasn't joking. He had a plan B. A plan B that involved breaking into a couple of offices at the AI building. Because for him, his life didn't matter. He was going to get his revenge.

Benny took a deep breath before answering. "I'll see what I can do. Will call you later."

Xxx

"Hurry up, Kenie, we can't be late again!" Herrmann yelled at his son. It was Saturday morning and they had a kid's hockey tournament to attend.

The arsonist smiled widely. He hated Christopher Herrmann and house 51 so much. After the Herrmann's left, he waited for ten minutes before he got out his car. He took the emergency spare key that the family was hiding into the branches of a bush next to the house, and let himself in quietly. He got to the basement, put the small bag he was carrying on the floor and started unpacking. Fifteen minutes later everything was ready for the following morning…the morning when Herrmann was going to leave for work early, while his family was going to be still sleeping on a Sunday morning. The arsonist was sure it was going to happen that way, because he had been observing the family for a long time. Then he was going to start the fire. The fire that was going to destroy many more lives, totally disrupt Kelly's mental state and guarantee Hadley a ticket to the outside world.

He walked out, careful not to leave any traces behind, and drove away. Twenty minutes later, he was standing in front of a payphone in a totally unfamiliar part of the city. He grabbed it and dialled a number he knew by heart.

"_Severide" _A voice growled from the other side of the line, and the tone suggested that the man knew who was calling.

"Lieutenant! How are you doing lately?"

"_Listen to me you piece of - "_

"Your manners are terrible, as always." The arsonist laughed, feeling enormous satisfaction.

"_What do you want? You want me, you can have me!"_

"Don't worry, I'll get exactly what I want."

"_And what's that?"_

"You'll see. But right now you seem to be very bored. Or why else did you start that bar fight last night?

"_How -"_

"Shut up and listen to me! You have 20 hours, give or take a few, to find out who's next. Are you capable of saving a friend or someone else is going to die because of you?"

"_Why are you doing it?!" Kelly yelled._

"Tick-tack…" The line went dead.

Xxx

Lindsay and Casey heard every word of the conversation Kelly had just had with the arsonist. He had gone to Matt's place only a couple minutes before getting the call, and had ran into the guest bedroom, mentally too exhausted to explain to the people there what was wrong with his face. Truck Lt. and the detective were trying to give Severide some time alone and let him reach out to them whenever he was ready, but a loud outcry after the phone call and the sound of broken glass changed their minds.

"Kelly, you okay?" Erin growled, running inside, Matt following her. They found him sitting on the bed, his body shivering from the anger he was feeling.

"It was him." Severide mumbled, but they got the message. "I…gotta go." He jumped off the bed, not realizing how tired his body was until his feet betrayed him and he stumbled. Luckily, Casey caught him in time and guided him back to the bed.

"What you gotta do is get some rest. I see you've had an eventful night." Matt growled, referring to the bruises on his face. "Kelly, you're doing Hadley a favour with every stupid move you make!"

"Don't need anybody telling me what a failure I am, Casey! I already know it." Kelly barked. Truck Lt. looked at him in confusion, wondering if his friend's words had anything to do with the phone call.

"Casey, would you - " Lindsay pointed the door with her head. Matt didn't like it, but he left. Maybe it was better if someone feeling a lot calmer than him talked to Kelly, because Casey was finding it hard to control his own emotions anymore. Whoever the arsonist was, for whatever reason he and Hadley were doing it, they were getting on everyone's nerves.

"Sorry." Severide mumbled an apology. Erin didn't reply but sat on the bed next him, inspecting his face.

"Listen to me, Kelly. Roman called me after the bar fight last night, concerned about you! I know what happened wasn't your fault, but you're getting self-destructive again."

"I'm fine…"

"No. Look yourself in the mirror!" Lindsay waited until Squad Lt. did so. "Do you recognize that man? 'cuz I don't."

Kelly looked at the pale shadow he had become, remembering the last time he had felt alive. _"Yea, always._" Her smile that day, just before his whole world had collapsed, that had been the last time Kelly Severide had felt happiness, had had a reason to live…No, he couldn't recognize the man staring at him from the mirror, but he knew it was him. A shell without a soul, soul stolen by Hadley and another monster, then broken into pieces and thrown away somewhere. "This is who I am now." He mumbled with sadness in his voice.

Erin grimaced. Her next move took Kelly by surprise. She placed her soft hand on his, and his entire body trembled under the unexpected touch. It felt good, like the old times, when they had been happy together and his life had seemed so much simpler. It was as if somebody cared about him, as if it wasn't him against the world. He locked eyes with her, letting his body enjoy the moment, the first good one since what seemed like forever.

"Kelly, I can't even imagine the size of the hole Shay left in your heart, and I know that neither me, nor Matt would ever fill it in. But you've no idea how much both of us love you and how painful it is to watch you fall apart like this, and not being able to help you."

"I…I need your help." He couldn't believe how hard it was to say those words.

"You've got it." Erin assured him, not letting go of his hand.

"He called me ten minutes ago." Kelly took his mobile with one hand, scrolling down his media list until he reached the file he was looking for. He played the whole conversation he had just had with the arsonist, feeling a new wave of anger rising inside him. If it wasn't Lindsay's hand on top of his, he would have smashed the phone against the wall. "I knew it was him calling so I recorded it." He explained, without being asked. "We need to stop him!"

"I'm calling Voight and the team…Kelly, we'll stop him."

Squad Lt. didn't say loudly the question that popped into his mind, but for Lindsay it was clear that he did not believe her. Frankly said, she wasn't sure if she believed it herself.

"You need to do something for me, too." She said with firm voice. "You may not wanna admit it but talking to Kara helps you. Please let Casey take you to the meeting today….Please, Kelly, for me." She added, having noticed the hesitation on his face.

"Just…stop him. I'll…I'll go to the meeting."

Xxx

Next morning Kelly walked into the kitchen of firehouse 51, getting a mug of strong coffee. He was hoping that being there and fighting fires would take his mind off the arsonist and his threats, but he couldn't stop looking at his watch and mobile, praying that Erin would call him with good news before they ran out of time and someone else died. He was also expecting the promised call from his dad, but so far he had nothing. He had to admit that talking to Kara the previous day had helped him calm down a bit and get control over his anger, but only the slightest thing could trigger it again. That was what Casey was scared of…

"Wow, Severide, what's with you and Newhouse lately? Don't tell me there's a competition "ugliest face of 51" I don't know about." Capp chuckled, earning a disapproving look from Truck Lt. Severide hadn't told anyone, except for Casey and Erin, what had happened to his face, even though half the people there had already asked him, including Chief.

"Aren't you on bathroom duty, Capp?" Matt growled, protectively.

"Yea, Capp, go clean it already! It stinks." Herrmann added and Dawson looked at him disgusted.

"_Truck 81, Ambo 61, Engine 51, Squad 3, Structure fire at…"_ They all froze, listening to the exact address and details.

"That's my house!" Herrmann yelled, panic evident in his voice, already on his way to Truck…

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**Thank you all for reading! **

**Problems always find Kelly, bar fights too, haha! Well, I know he didn't save anyone from a fire, but he did save the girl from the drunk idiot, hope you liked it. It's good that he let off some steam, using someone who deserved it as a punching bag. **

**I find it weird that Kelly has no connection to his half-brother whatsoever and I've always wanted to see them together, so the moment looked good. What do you think? And of course, Lindsay's gentle touch – I know it's not much, but I find it cute, don't you think so? **

**Poor Herrmann. Let's pray for him and his family.**

**I'd love to hear your opinion, no matter what it is, so please review! **** Thanks.**


	5. Chapter 5

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 5**

"Herrmann, they'll be fine." Otis gave a supporting look to his friend who was on the verge of a mental break-down. They were two minutes away from the structure fire, the fire at Christopher's home, where his whole family was, but the 120 seconds felt like forever. Squad 3 and Ambo 61 were just behind them, Engine already on scene, updating Casey and Severide on the situation.

"Lieutenant, you think it's the arsonist?" Mouch had to yell in order for Matt to hear him.

"We do our job. Leave the assumptions and investigation to AI!" Truck Lt. yelled back, but a big part of him already knew the answer, so did Severide.

When Truck came to a stop, everyone jumped off their seats immediately, awaiting orders, Herrmann frantically searching for his family with his eyes. It was bad. Really bad. The whole house and parts of the neighboring two were on fire, the flames destroying everything in their way.

"Christopher!" Cindy yelled out of nowhere, running toward him with Lee and Kenny. "They're still inside!" She screamed, not letting Mills take care of her children, fearing that she might lose them, too.

"Let's move it!" Boden hissed through greeted teeth, preparing to go inside himself.

"Herrmann, you stay here!" Casey ordered, Severide already running inside with no plan whatsoever, Capp asking him what exactly to do without getting an answer back. A second after they disappeared inside, there was an explosion in the basement.

"Luke went to the basement…" Cindy cried out, looking at her husband in shock. The kid had gone downstairs to check on the new bike they had got him after the baseball game the previous day.

"I'll find him!" Herrmann promised his wife, not giving a damn that he was going to disobey Casey's direct orders. Not wasting any more time, he followed Squad inside, heading downstairs. "Severide, basement!" He yelled to the Squad Lt, who was close to him, the rest of Truck running toward the first floor, where all the bedrooms were.

"Casey, Cruz, check the bathroom!" Chief ordered, knowing that Christopher had told his kids to cover themselves with wet clothes or blankets in case they ever got trapped in a fire.

"Heeelp!" Chief and Otis heard a girl crying in her room. She was having troubles breathing, but was alive. Both firemen felt relieved when they saw one of her siblings curled up in a ball under the bed, terrified. Otis grabbed his small body, preparing to take him out, when a second explosion sounded in the hallway, the resulting fire blocking their way.

"Mouch, we're trapped! We need the ladder!" Chief yelled through the window Otis had just opened, hoping that it wouldn't take the people on the ground too long…time they did not have…."Casey, get out, we've got them." Boden told his Truck Lt. through the radio, but he was met by silence. "Casey! Severide! Anyone?" Chief yelled again, quickly realizing their communications were blocked…

Kelly followed Herrmann into the burning basement. The flames had already engulfed what was left of the walls and ceiling after the explosion, but the boy couldn't be seen anywhere. Christopher looked around frantically, barely holding it together – the lives of three of his kids were hanging in the balance, his home was completely destroyed…

"Luke! Call out!" Severide yelled, but all he could hear was the sound of flames eating the wooden basement.

"Luke Herrmann!" Herrmann did the same, as if using his son's last name would change anything. He moved toward the rare end of the room where he had left the bike the day before. "Severide, get the hell out of here!" The Truck member yelled, watching in shier horror as the flames neared the electric installation of the house close to the same spot his son's body was laying. Luke was pressed down under the bike that had knocked him out and one of Herrmann's spare tires that had crushed his small hand.

Severide jumped on the floor, covering his head with his arms to protect himself from the explosion blast. Not wasting time, he uncovered his face and stood up, but he could not see the other fireman anymore. He was grateful when Herrmann's pass alarm started beeping 18 seconds later as it directed him toward his fallen colleague and his kid.

"Crap!" Kelly cursed under his breath, reaching Christopher. His mask was dislocated and broken, his head bleeding. "Come on, buddy!" Squad Lt. checked Herrmann's pulse, finding it weak, his breathing sporadic. Making a quick decision, Kelly removed his mask and placed it securely on Herrmann's face. Holding his breath for as long as possible, he pushed the tire away, then moved the bike. "No, no, no." Panic overwhelmed him when he realized that Luke wasn't breathing. It was his fault. More lives ruined. His friends suffering. His fault. Erin had promised him to stop the arsonist. He had believed her. His fault…He had to do something. Anything. He knew he was alone, having realized minutes earlier that their communication system wasn't working. He couldn't perform CPR in there as he was already struggling to breathe himself. Kelly grabbed Luke's body, trying not to think that he was abandoning the unconscious Herrmann inside, and ran toward the stairs that led him to the first floor close to the exit.

"Casey!" Severide yelled. Fortunately, Matt's brain registered someone calling out his name and turned around instead of leaving the burning house. Truck Lt. looked at his friend in horror, but Kelly had no time to explain. "Not breathing!" He barked and left Luke in Casey's strong hands. Matt opened his mouth to order his friend to get out, but Squad Lt. was already gone into the basement again so the only option Casey had was to take Luke outside and pray.

Following Herrmann's pass alarm, Kelly got to him, his vision becoming blurry due the lack of oxygen and the heat building up down there, his movements getting slower without him realizing it, his body being tired from not getting enough rest the days before. He grabbed Christopher by the arms in an attempt to drag him to the other side of the room where the stairs were. What his oxygen deprived brain didn't register were the wooden pieces falling from the ceiling. Just before one of them hit him, he tried covering his head with his hands, but a second later his whole world went blank…

Xxx

"_What are you doing, Severide?" It was Shay, he could smell her perfume, but all he could see was darkness, no face. "Don't you see that everyone around you gets hurt?!"_

"_Shay, please…" He reached out in an attempt to touch her, but he could not see her in the darkness. He needed to apologize, needed to tell her how sorry he was, but it wasn't going to change anything. She was gone…they were all gone, forever…because of him. _"Shay…Shay." He kept mumbling over and over again, struggling to lift his hand and reach out for her, grab her and pull her back into his world! A wave of panic overwhelmed him when he realized that he couldn't hear her voice anymore, that he was all alone in the prison of his own mind. She was gone.

"Kelly!" Erin growled, fighting her friend's attempts to jump out of bed. The tormented expression on his face indicated that he was having nightmares, experiencing extreme terror even, and Lindsay feared that he might hurt himself.

"Damn it…Severide!" Casey muttered, holding him by the arm and pushing him down. Kelly was coming round after being out for twenty hours, having being given a sedative to keep him calm at Chicago Med.

Erin wrapped her hand around his, squeezing it gently. She could feel the trembling of his body, but she could do nothing to take the pain away.

"That's it." Matt smiled when Kelly finally relaxed, still struggling to open his eyes, but the nightmare was gone. "Okay, take your time."

It took the Squad Lt. another ten minutes to gain consciousness, his eyes finally snapping wide open, staring directly at Casey, who was sitting on a chair next to the bed. He turned his head around slowly, looking at Lindsay who was still holding his hand.

"Hey." She greeted him with a smile, but he didn't return it, looking at her and the Truck Lt. confused. Kelly had not recollection whatsoever of how he had ended up in a hospital for a second time in less than a week.

"The nurses will start charging you for the room." Matt's joke was intended to lighten the mood, but it failed. He opened his mouth to tell his friend how stupid it had been to give up his mask to someone else and run back into basement, having done the same only a couple of months earlier, but he realized that it would be pointless. The look in Kelly's eyes was one of a man who did not care. "You have to thank Capp and Tony for saving your ass. You were lucky they found you before - "

"Luke and Herrmann?" Severide cut him off, scared to hear the answer. It was clear that it was a question neither Erin, not Matt wanted to answer to, but somebody had to.

"Herrmann's gonna be okay…thanks to your stupidity. He has a consciousness, a nasty wound on the head and some burns on the right leg, but he'll be okay. Giving him your mask probably saved his life. His doctor wants to monitor him for a couple of days to make sure his head's okay."

"Luke?"

Matt and Erin exchanged worried looks, Lindsay taking a deep breath before answering. "Still in the ICU. His brain's been without oxygen for a long time so they…they don't know, Kelly. Time will show."

Kelly closed his eyes, wishing for the people in his room to disappear and leave him alone in his misery, but they were still there when he opened them a few seconds later. Casey and Erin were looking at him in concern, giving the impression that there was more to come. "What? Anyone else hurt or injured because of me?!" He barked.

"Otis and Boden found Lilly and her brother on the first floor. The kids and Otis are okay. Chief was holding the door of the room shut until the three of them made it save on the ladder. He got some first degree burns after letting go, but it's nothing to be worried about." Truck Lt. told the truth, feeling like Kelly deserved to know everything.

"The house?" Kelly asked, knowing how much Herrmann had struggled to get a home for his family.

"Completely ruined." Matt answered quietly, looking away in frustration. It was not fair. An innocent kid was fighting for his life, an innocent family had lost everything…"Mouch offered them his place. Truck and Squad are off rotation for the next two shifts, so Mouch will be staying with the kids, Cindy is with Herrmann next door…they are not allowed in the ICU with Luke yet."

"Herrmann's sharing a room with Boden. Everybody's there if you wanna join them." Erin suggested, hoping that it might help the Squad Lt. deal with what had happened.

"And do what?!" Kelly growled, the monitor attached to his body showing that his heart rate was going up. "Apologize? Maybe tell their kid how sorry I am that he might not make it because of me?"

"Nobody blames you." Lindsay told the truth, but her words meant nothing to the mentally drained Squad Lt.

"I BLAME MYSELF!" Severide's anger exploded.

"Hey, calm down, okay?" Casey put his hand on Kelly's shoulder, partly to provide him with some support, partly to make sure Severide stayed in bed. "You were already sedated once today."

"Huh?" Squad Lt. glared at Matt.

"When you came round in the ambo you were throwing up and fighting the EMTs at the same time. Your breathing wasn't good after the amount of smoke you've inhaled, but you kept pushing the oxygen mask away so the ER team decided to sedate you before you harmed yourself more." Casey explained, having been in the ambulance with Kelly, experiencing the same nightmare Severide had been through with him after getting the head injury.

"You should have left me to die…would have been better for everyone." Kelly mumbled, pushing Matt's hand away in order to get up, but Erin stopped him.

"Where are you going?" The CPD detective asked, letting Severide's comment slip. Kelly was way too affected to think straight or have a normal conversation.

"Out of here…to do what you didn't."

"What's that?"

"You promised you were gonna stop him, Erin!"

It hurt…it hurt that Kelly thought that way. She had tried, her whole team had tried, but the arsonist was good...He was winning the game…Severide was losing what faith in her he had, was losing his trust in them, in himself, in life.

"We will!"

"It's too late now." Kelly looked away, hiding the pain in his eyes.

"Your doctor wants to keep you overnight." Matt informed him, his tone not leaving room for negotiation. Having got not money, or his car, Kelly was dependent on him. "I'm staying right here tonight to make sure you get rest." Having said that, Casey sank into one of the plastic chairs and leaned backwards, taking the most comfortable position possible. Kelly didn't say a word more, staring through the window with indifferent expression on his face. A few minutes later Erin gave Matt a sad smile and left, having told him earlier that she had to go back to the district and work on the case…the arsonist case, the one they hadn't solved on time.

But Lindsay wasn't angry with the Squad Lt. for being mad at her. Kelly Severide meant too much to her. She wasn't going to let him push her away, ever again…

Xxx

The arsonist got home with a pack of six beers, tired after the long day. He remembered the days when his big house had been full of life, full with laughing kids, had smelled like home-cooked dinner, his wife. Now it was empty, dark, cold. His wife had left him, taking his three beautiful children hundreds of miles away, because of what house 51 had done to him…he wanted them to feel the same way, wanted Herrmann to see what it was like to lose a child, a home, his entire life. That's why he had agreed to Hadley's plan – causing Kelly pain through hurting a happy family man and his big family, people who did not deserve their happiness…perfect.

He turned the TV on and grinned – the news channel was showing footage of the fire at Christopher's home, the fire he had set. They showed Mills and Brett fighting for Luke's life, injured Chief saving two kids, Squad dragging their lieutenant out of the house, the unconscious Herrmann. They said that one of the kids was in a coma, the doctors were losing him…all the destruction…chaos…Hadley would be proud with him. Certainly, he was proud of himself.

Xxx

When Casey woke up in the morning, his body stiffened, having been on the chair for too long, he noticed a pair of lifeless blue eyes staring at him. Kelly was fully awake, no sign that he had slept at all. The tough day they had had, had taken its toll on the Truck Lt. who had fallen asleep immediately after closing his eyes.

"Watching me sleep is creepy." Matt finally broke the silence, not sure what else to say. Maybe that it wasn't Kelly's fault? – he had said it million times already, but his friend was refusing to believe it. And honestly, Casey wouldn't have either.

"Huh?" Kelly murmured, having registered Casey's voice without making sense of the words.

"You slept at all?"

"Wasn't tired after the twenty hours I was out." Kelly replied sarcastically.

"You gave us no other choice!"

"Whatever."

Casey cursed in despair, getting up slowly. "I'm gonna check on Herrmann and Luke. You coming?"

"I told you I don't wanna see them, Casey! When can I get the hell out of here?"

"Lindsay's picking us up at 12." Matt replied in a tone saying that Severide would have to deal with the presence of the CPD detective, as Casey, just like everyone else, was still in his uniform, having not been home to take his truck. "She's gonna bring you some clothes."

Four hours later the three of them climbed into Erin's car on their way to Casey's place, in complete silence. The news on Luke weren't good, but Kelly didn't want to hear a word about it, trying to pretend it hadn't happened, not able to handle all the guilt. The kid was still in the ICU in a medically induced coma, intubated, a machine breathing for him.

At Casey's apartment, Severide sat on the couch, turning the laptop he had left on the table before their last shift on. With the corner of his eyes, he could see Erin and Casey arguing in the kitchen, sure that he was the subject of their heated conversation. Ignoring them completely, he opened his inbox and saw the email he had been hoping to get – from his father, photos of documents and evidence. He quickly closed it when he heard his friend moving in his direction.

"You've got mail." Matt handed him an envelope, having already seen its content. "Your presence is being requested in court. Hadley's case is going to be review next Monday…if found innocent, his record would be cleared. I'd have to testify too."

Severide grabbed the letter with a shacking hand and read every word twice, then crumpled the white paper and threw it on the table, refusing to deal with the information there. Maybe pretending that nothing had happened would change the reality, maybe it was a nightmare after all and he was going to wake up and continue with his relatively happy life at his apartment, with Shay...

"Kelly." Erin whispered, wrapping her arms around him. He buried his head in her chest, silently letting the tears go…

_You know you need a fix when you fall down_  
><em>You know you need to find a way<em>  
><em>To get you through another day<em>  
><em>Let me be the one to numb you out<em>  
><em>Let me be the one to hold you<em>  
><em>Never gonna let you get away<em>

_The shoulder you cry on_  
><em>The dose that you die on<em>

_(Three Days Grace – "Painkiller")_

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**Hey guys, thank you all for the continuous support, you're awesome! **

**The arsonist is a damn SOB, isn't he? Hadley's the same actually. The good news is that you'll soon find out who the mysterious bad guy is…at least then you'll have a face and another name to hate, haha. On another note, I was shocked that Hadley was sort of a good guy during the cross-over…Hadley, helping Kelly in any way? Lol!**

**I feel really sorry for the Herrmann's, what do you think? Would Christopher go after the arsonist, or he'll take care of his family and leave it to Kelly? Also, I made up the name of his girl (Lilly) as it has never been mentioned on the show so far.**

**Hope you enjoyed the broments and Linseride. I was certainly expecting more broments on the cross-over, not thaaat much Kelly/Dawson. And there was the perfect opportunity for some Linseride on the show, or even a love triangle, but no…someday, maybe. **

**As always, I'd love to hear your opinion, no matter what it is, so please review! **** Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 6**

Four days had passed since the fire at Herrmann's house, but Luke was still in the ICU, his lungs too weak to take in air without the help of an apparatus. Christopher was sitting close to the bed of his son, just watching his pale face. The doctors kept telling him that 20% chance of surviving and 10% of full recovery were better than zero, but he wasn't stupid…he had seen too many fire casualties with the same injuries Luke had…most of them already dead.

"When was the last time you've slept, Herrmann?" Casey's voice startled him. Christopher turned around, not bothering to hide his watery eyes.

"The night before that monster did this to my son!" Herrmann barked. He had left Luke's site only twice in the past few days.

"Any updates?" Matt asked, sitting on the second available chair.

"Still the same...he can't breathe on his own, Casey! I wish…I wish I could give him my lungs or something…he's just a kid! What has he done to that SOB to deserve it?!"

"If we knew what Severide has done to him..." Matt sighed in frustration, having had a heated confrontation with the Squad Lt. just before heading to the hospital. After getting the letter instructing him when to go to court for Hadley's new trial, Kelly had fallen into a deep black hole, and Casey feared that they had lost him forever. Kelly had been spending most of his time in his bedroom, doing God knows what, eating just enough to get him through the day, having constant nightmares during the rare occasions he had tried sleeping. Matt had seen him go running a few times and had tried getting into the spare room to see what his friend had been up to, only to find the door locked.

"I don't blame him, Casey." Herrmann shook his head, having said it many times to everyone from 51 except for Kelly. Severide hadn't visited Luke even once, hadn't talked to Herrmann or anyone else. "That dirtbag is insane!"

"I know." Matt mumbled, patting Christopher's shoulder. "Listen, I know it's not the time to ask you for favors and I'll understand if you don't wanna do it…but Severide's blaming himself for what happened along with many other things, and he's losing it…I don't know what to do anymore."

"How can I help?" Herrmann asked, forgetting for a split second his own problems.

"I hate asking you to leave Luke's side, but I'd really appreciate it if you could stop by my place for a few minutes and just talk to him…maybe if he hears it from you, he'll believe it's not his fault."

"Okay." The Truck member granted his superior with a nod before fixing his eyes on Luke again. "Cindy's coming in an hour and I'll come with you."

"Thanks, Herrmann."

"Is there anything new about…about who did this?"

"No. CPD found no DNA, no prints, nothing besides the metal coil, Severide's badge number, and the leftovers of two small propane tanks that have been hidden under the stairs." Casey explained in frustration. "You know Voight's not giving up easily, right?"

"Yea…" Herrmann murmured, starting to lose hope that justice would be served.

Xxx

Kelly was staring at the photos hanging on his bedroom wall, having spent the last two hours looking at the faces of people who had been at the fire scenes, trying to see if there was somebody familiar, somebody who liked watching the chaos he had created…but they were all random people, different men and women at every scene.

The whole wall was covered in different groups of photos and maps, highlighted locations and text could be easily distinguished, but there was nothing pointing toward their arsonist, nothing that would help Kelly pin the so many deaths on Hadley in court.

As Truck and Squad had been off rotation for the last two shifts, Kelly had been spending every second of the last four days going through the evidence his dad had sent him, desperate to find anything. Was he going crazy? Probably, yes. At least that's what Casey, Dawson and Erin were thinking. They'd been the only three people to had seen him after the arson at Herrmann's home, but he had done his best to keep them at a distance…

_***Flashback***_

"_What the hell are you doing, Casey?" Kelly barked, outraged. He had been jogging in the nearby park for the past half an hour, only to find Erin and Matt trying to pick the lock he had put on the door of his room when he got back._

"_Kelly, please…we're worried!" Erin whispered, staying by the door like frozen. She knew that what they had been trying to do was wrong, but the Squad Lt. had left them no other choice. They couldn't just sit and watch him destroy himself and everyone who cared about him._

"_What, you tricked me into going out so you could get into my room?" Severide eyed them, anger radiating from his words._

"_It's my room, Severide!" Casey argued, not realizing that he had said something wrong until he saw a wave of pain flash through his friend's eyes. "I've got the right to know what's going on inside!"_

"_You know what Casey – give me five minutes to get my stuff and I'll be out of your property. " _

"_Kelly I didn't mean it - "_

"_I don't wanna bring you more troubles than I already have…"_

_Truck Lt. exhaled sharply in pure desperation, stepping back, feeling like he had nothing more to say. Not many people knew how tough everything had been for Matt, not many people were realizing that he hadn't had any time to grieve, being there for the entire house instead, being the glue that had been holding them together. Sometimes he was feeling like the battle was already lost, that they had lost Kelly…then he had to remind himself that there was still some hope, hidden somewhere, and they needed to find it. _

_Having made only two steps, Matt stopped, fixing his eyes on Severide. "You know what, go ahead, do whatever you want…I can't help you if you don't let me." The blonde Lt. turned around and disappeared out of their sight in a huff. He went to the darkest corner of the kitchen, where he sat down alone and for the first time in a long time he allowed himself to cry._

_Kelly said nothing. He took out the key for the lock out of his pocket and unlocked it, but Erin grabbed his hand to stop him before he had the chance to pull the handle and disappear inside the prison he had created. He trembled under her touch, the mask of someone who did not care about the world that he had put on his face beginning to fall down._

"_You're hurting people who wanna help you." She told him, sure that he already knew it. What she couldn't understand was why._

"_It's for the better, trust me." He hissed, keeping his voice low._

"_Would Shay have wanted that?" Erin asked, looking him in the glassy blue eyes before releasing her grip and leaving him alone. She had told Casey earlier that day that Ruzek and Olinsky had found a noisy neighbor of Herrmann, who might have seen somebody stalking the family in the days preceding the fire…now they were going to have a chat with Mrs. Noah._

_***End of flashback***_

No…Shay would have been mad at him for pushing people away…Letting out a curse, Kelly heard the front door open and the footsteps of more than one person. Knowing that Dawson was at Molly's and Lindsay was working late, he let his curiosity lead him into the living room, where he was met by Casey and Herrmann.

"Nice place." Christopher commented casually, having not been there before. Casey and Dawson had moved there soon after Shay's death, then Severide had moved in with them, and it had never been a good time for the couple to have a party with their friends and show them their new home.

"Dawson found it…you hungry? I think she's left us something for dinner in the oven."

"I could use some normal food." The Truck member agreed, his body begging him for some food different from hospital sandwiches.

"You eating?" Matt shot Kelly a glance. Squad Lt. was leaning against the door frame, still wearing his running clothes.

"_Would Shay have wanted that"_ Erin's words sounded in his head. "Yeah." He finally agreed hesitantly, sitting across the table.

"Thanks for saving my ass." Herrmann broke the awkward silence between him and the Squad Lt. just before Casey returned into the living room with a tray of baked potatoes with bacon.

Kelly looked away, having being avoiding Christopher for so long that he had no idea what to say. "You've gotta thank Capp and Tony, not me." He murmured, focusing his attention on the food that Matt had just served.

"Team work." Herrmann replied, filling up his plate with the tasty dish. "If it wasn't for your mask I'd have suffocated long before Tony and Capp pulled me out."

Kelly felt a big lump form into his throat. Herrmann was grateful? What for? He was the reason Luke was fighting for his life, he was the reason the family was homeless. Severide took a sip of the glass of water sitting next to his plate, but the lump didn't disappear. For a moment he felt as if he couldn't breathe, but when Truck Lt. looked at him in concern, he managed to gain control over his emotions.

"Listen Kelly, I know what you're thinking, but nobody blames you. The house…we'll figure out a way to get a new one…" Herrmann paused, taking a breath before continuing. "Luke…Luke's a tough kid, he'll pull through…he has to, right? You know what he told me last week – "dad, you can't let the arsonist win." He is not gonna let him win!" Christopher wiped away the tears that had formed into his eyes, before speaking again. "If it wasn't for you, he…he wouldn't even have the chance he has now."

"He's a fighter, like his parents." Casey reassured him, finishing his dinner. He had lost any hope that Severide would say anything at all when Kelly put his fork down and looked at Herrmann with determination in his eyes.

"I'll get him." Squad Lt. barked, fixing his attention at the Truck Lt. "Benny sent me photos and copies of everything AI and CPD have got so far…if he has made only one mistake, I'll get him and take him to hell with me."

Up to that point Casey had been thinking that finding out what his friend was up to would put his mind at ease, but he quickly realized that was not the case. He didn't have the chance to say anything as his fellow Lt. quickly got up, put his empty plate into the sink and disappeared back into his room.

"Don't give up on him, Casey."

"I won't."

"Good." Herrmann smiled, making his Lt. wonder how he had the strength to smile and worry for others after what had happened to his family. "I have to head back…don't want to leave Cindy alone."

"Yea…thanks, Herrmann."

Xxx

On Saturday, it was their first shift after the tragedy from a week earlier. But it wasn't going to be a shift like any other. Even though they were all there, all calls for 51 were going to be redirected for two hours. Members of the firehouse, dressed up in their formal uniforms, were sitting quietly in the dinner area, while everything was being prepared…it was the day of Shay's memorial ceremony. Even Herrmann had left his son's bedside to pay his respects to and mourn his friend…

Many people were gathering to pay their respect to Leslie Elisabeth Shay...every single member of 51, former or current, members of CPD's Intelligence units, people living in the neighborhood whose lives Shay had saved…they were all there, some of them taking part in the formal ceremony, other just watching, remembering the blonde paramedic who had left a big gap in their hearts.

What nobody knew was that he was also there. The man responsible for the death of Shay was among them, dressed up in the uniform he had never returned after CFD had discharged him. He was hiding the smug on his face with tears, but he didn't have to…nobody had noticed his presence.

Kelly could hear the people outside, but he still wasn't ready. He had spent the last 45 minutes dressing up, and hiding, in his quarters, his trembling hands now allowing him to put on his tie. He kept telling himself that he could do it, that he could go there and face all the people, but the reality was that his legs were refusing to move, his whole body being paralyzed with fear. He couldn't even turn around when the door of his quarters creaked open and somebody walked in, making sure to close it quietly. Severide kept fighting with the tie, desperate to do it right, until Lindsay moved forward and put her gentle hands on top of his, the tie hanging loose on his neck.

"Everyone's waiting for you." The detective informed him, examining the result of his failed attempt to tie his tie.

"I thought I could do it." He mumbled, letting Erin fix the tie. "It's been nine months!" He sobbed, allowing himself to grief in front of Erin. Nine months…but the pain was still there, being even stronger than in the days following the building collapse, because his mind had had enough time to process the fact that Shay wasn't coming back, ever again.

"You know, this ceremony is to remind us of what a great person Shay was." Lindsay kept her voice low, but she did not let go of Kelly's trembling hands. "Keep thinking of the good times, Kelly, forget about the bad moments at least now." She added. But how could it be so simple and yet so hard? "C'mon, let's go."

Kelly fixed his hair quickly before grabbing his hat, and letting Lindsay lead the way out. Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, he took his place among the other members of 51. The layout of the ceremony was beautiful, graceful. But there, among the grieving fireman and CPD members, stood the reason for their misery. He wanted to be mad that nobody had noticed him, but he couldn't, because he could see their tormented faces, their tears, their misery, and it was enough to satisfy his sick mind.

The only reason Kelly was holding it together was Erin Lindsay, who was two rows of people behind him, dressed up in her uniform, watching him without being able to do anything to help him. She didn't know it, but he was following her advice, remembering Shay's plans to have a baby with him. But that, just like many other plans and dreams they had had, would never come true. Kelly felt as if his shacking legs would betray him when Dawson stood in front of all of them, preparing to say a few words about her best friend, looking at Megan, Shay's sister, who had come to Chicago for the ceremony…

"_A lot's changed at 51 since losing Shay. We've welcomed in some new friends. Got a new rig and a dream of mine came true, but here's what hasn't changed, this house. This family. It's all as strong as it ever was. Even stronger, because I think deep down in the quiet moments, we think to our self Shay would want us to be better. She'd want us to represent her every time we go out. You had an amazing sister, Megan, and I am so lucky to have been her friend."_

There was so much truth in Gabby's words, but there was one thing she didn't mention. Kelly knew Shay would have wanted justice, not for her own death, but for all the others the arsonist had hurt, for Herrmann and his family, for his kid…And Severide was determined to serve justice, for all of them, and for Shay, too.

Half an hour later the ceremony was over, but the emptiness inside him was still there. With the corner of his eyes, he saw Clarke walking in his direction, but Squad Lt. wasn't in a mood for talking. He turned around in the opposite direction and disappeared behind the firehouse. Sitting on the bench close to the back exit, he loosened his tie, removed the hat off his head and buried his face in his hands.

Kelly couldn't hear anything through his own sobs, his ears not registering the presence of another man there until he spoke, his voice loud and arrogant.

"I was devastated when I heard." The man smirked, causing Severide to look at him in disbelief. When Kelly's mind processed what was going on, he jumped on his feet, finally having got the opportunity to look Shay's murderer in the eyes…

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Hey guys, thank you all for the continuous support, you're awesome! **

**Lots of angst in this chapter, I know, hope you liked it. Could you feel the tension building up between Kelly and Casey? Matt's doing everything he can to help Severide, it must be really frustrating when Kelly pushes him away like that. And Casey's been there for the whole firehouse, sure he's allowed some time to grieve, too. **

**I thought that some Linseride would be a good addition to the memorial ceremony, hope I've been right. Some of you mentioned the friendship between Erin and Casey – I'm so happy you like it, I feel like they've got some things in common and could be friends. Plus both could help Kelly in different ways and they should do it together.**

**Last, but not least, the arsonist! Yea, he really went to the ceremony, what a b*s*a*d! The good news (for you) is that you're going to find out who he is in the next chapter. Any suggestion? I'm curious to see if anybody would guess his identity. **

**As always, I'd love to hear your opinion, no matter what it is, so please review! **** Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 7**

_Kelly couldn't hear anything through his own sobs, his ears not registering the presence of another man there until he spoke, his voice loud and arrogant._

"_I was devastated when I heard." The man smirked, causing Severide to look at him in disbelief. When Kelly's mind processed what was going on, he jumped on his feet, finally having got the opportunity to look Shay's murderer in the eyes…_

"Why?, was the only word that came out Kelly's mouth. He couldn't force himself to say anything else, but it was enough…it was all he wanted to know.

"Why what?" Ex-lieutenant Spellman tossed another question arrogantly, turning his head around a little bit. In his anger, Severide didn't notice the slight movement of the arsonist that was enough to hide his face from the video camera installed above the back exit of the firehouse.

"Why are you doing it?!" Kelly barked, moving a step forward so that he could feel Spellman's breath. Without realizing it, Squad Lt. was falling into a deep trap set to finish him once and for all.

"And what exactly am I doing, lieutenant?" The look in the ex-firefighter's eyes was daring Kelly to punch him.

"Setting fires! Killing people I care about! Helping Hadley!" Kelly spat into Spellman's face, the anger building inside him ready to explode any second.

Before commenting on the accusations, Spellman took a tissue out of the pocket of his lieutenant's uniform and slowly cleaned his face, a smirk firmly placed on it. "Even if I'm doing all those things, how can you prove it?" When he didn't hear an answer in the next 30 seconds, the ex-firefighter's smile widened more and he locked eyes with the Squad Lt. "That's right, lieutenant, you can't! How much longer can you live with the guilt that it's all because of you and you cannot do anything to stop it?!"

"YOU'RE DEAD!" Kelly yelled way too loudly, his voice being heard by Boden, Casey, Lindsay, Megan and Gabby who had been discussing the ceremony not far away from where the two men were standing. Matt dropped the glass of water in his hands on the ground, his heart pounding in his chest and ran in the direction Kelly's voice had come from, the others following him.

"YOU LIKE FIRES? I'LL SET YOU ON FIRE AND WATCH YOU BURN!" Severide kept yelling, his mind not thinking straight. His fist connected with Spellman's face, the later falling on the ground instantly. Kelly kicked him, then again, and again, not stopping until he heard Spellman's ribs crack. Then he kneeled over the arsonist, squeezing his throat tightly with both hands.

"KELLY, NO!" Lindsay cried out, but she was too far away to stop her friend from wringing Spellman's neck. From where she was standing she could see the face of the man Kelly was trying to kill, but she could not recognize him.

Casey and Boden reached them first, Matt grabbing Kelly from behind to stop him, quickly realizing that Severide's grip on the ex-firefighter was too strong. Boden grabbed his lieutenant's hands, using all his strength to free Spellman. "Severide, let go!" Chief hissed, noticing with the corner of his eyes people from house 51 gathering around to see what was going on.

"You won't bring Shay back!" Casey said firmly, letting out a sigh of relief when Boden proved to be stronger and managed to push Kelly aside. Matt immediately got hold of him and tied his hands behind his back, struggling to hold him back, while Boden and Dawson were assessing Spellman's injuries.

"Let me finish him!" Kelly growled, trying to jerk his arm free, desperate to free himself.

"Casey, let's get him inside." Erin's suggestion was immediately approved by the blonde lieutenant. With her help, he led Kelly into the firehouse through the closest entrance, listening to Dawson's conversation with Chief.

"He might have consciousness and broken ribs, Chief." Dawson said quietly, both she and Boden watching Truck Lt. struggle to drag Severide inside the firehouse.

When the door through which Matt, Erin and Severide had just disappeared slammed shut, Boden turned around, focusing his attention on Mills and Brett who had already joined the small crowd. "Take him to Lakeshore and keep me posted!"

Xxx

As soon as Casey let go of him, Kelly ran into the bathroom. He took a glimpse of himself in the mirror before splashing cold water on his face. The icy liquid wasn't enough to calm him down and wash the blood from Spellman's nose off his hands. _"Why?...Why?"_ The question kept haunting him while he removed his tie and the top of his uniform, dumping them on the floor and then walked under one of the showers. He turned the temperature of the water falling on his body to freezing cold and closed his eyes for a second before leaning against the wall and sliding all the way down until he reached the floor. Kelly spent the next five minutes in the exact same position, icy water drops hitting his head and shoulders over and over again, reminding him to keep his eyes open or else he could be one of the very few people ever to drown while taking a shower…maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all…maybe it would end his misery…maybe that way everybody would be save…maybe –

"Kelly, I'm coming in!" Erin's loud voice made him snap out of the nightmare his mind had been in. The scene in front of her took the CPD detective by surprise, but she didn't lose her composure. Letting out a quiet sight, she reached out to stop the running water before focusing her attention on the soaking wet and shivering body of Squad Lt. She put one hand on his right shoulder, turning his head toward her with the other, Kelly's dark blue lips and shallow breathing telling her that they had to warm him up. Lindsay said nothing…because she knew it wouldn't matter to him. Instead she looked around, searching for a towel, but he hadn't brought one. "I'll be right back." Erin told him firmly before heading back to the locker room where Casey was waiting for her to tell him what was going on. The whole place felt deserted, Boden having literally ordered his people to sit tight in the eating area and give Squad Lt. some space.

"I need a towel." The CPD detective declared, earning a questioning look. "He's been under the cold shower for a long time!" She added, taking gratefully the fresh towel Matt had just got from his locker.

"Damn it!" Truck Lt. cursed. "He's got some spare clothes in his quarters, I'll get them."

Neither Erin, nor Casey knew whether to be relieved or worried that Kelly didn't protest when they wrapped him with the towel and helped him change into his running sweatshirt and pants. Matt put a warm blanked over his fellow lieutenant's shacking frame and slowly guided him to his quarters. Walking inside the warm room, Squad Lt. locked eyes with Boden, who was sitting on top of the desk.

"I'm not sorry." Kelly murmured as if it was him against the world. Erin reached out to cover his shoulders with the blanket, but he pushed her hand away violently.

"Severide, do you even know that what you did might end your career?!" Chief responded, upset. "Hell, it can end my career! You're supposed to lead by example, not try killing people in front of everyone!"

Kelly's eyes widened, glaring at Boden's, his eyebrows pulled down together, lips tightly pressed to suppress a curse. He said nothing.

"What if he takes time off? Maybe they'll let it slip." Matt ventured a suggestion, his mind too preoccupied with worry to allow him to think of a better alternative.

Boden's lips tightened, eyes narrowing. "He's already used too much time off."

"I don't need your help." Kelly hissed, running his fingers through his wet hair.

"Kelly, look at yourself." Chief uttered, standing up. "I can't let you work. For your and everyone's sake, I'm suspending you, without pay, until you get your life straight. Meanwhile I'll do my best to convince people that's enough punishment for you and it won't happen again." It wasn't easy for Boden to do it. It was like betraying a good man who needed support more than ever. But it was his way to help, to preserve Severide's career for whenever the Squad Lt. was ready to return. Chief wasn't worried about the financial site of the suspension. He knew that Kelly had some savings aside, but he was also prepared to give a small sum to Casey for food and rent. It was his job after all – to take care of his men, always.

"Thanks." Severide offered a sarcastic smile. Maybe it was for the better. Maybe that way everyone else was going to be save.

"Kelly, when you're done in court on Monday, just forget about Hadley and Spellman and focus on yourself!" Boden added, but the look on the Lt.'s face made it clear it was not going to happen.

"You don't get it, right?" Kelly felt the boiling anger inside him rise again. He was done listening to nonsense. "Spellman's the one setting fires for Hadley!"

The seconds following Kelly's statement felt like years. No one knew what to say. Nobody at 51 had ever liked Lt. Spellman, but they had worked with him for months, they had put their lives in danger relying on his help, they had trusted him on calls…

"Who's he?" Erin broke the silence. It was then when Matt remembered that she had never met Spellman.

"He came with Clarke after McLeod closed their firehouse…he was a good firefighter, but was her snitch. We helped him transfer out of here." Casey explained, not going into much detail.

"Yea…at the exact same time Hadley was setting fires!"

"Okay, I know you've seen all the evidence AI and CPD have so far. Can you prove it?" Truck Lt. asked, but his innocent question was enough to set off the ticking bomb Kelly was. "I get it that he has a solid reason to hate us, but is there anything tying him to the fires?"

Severide frowned, pushing the blanket covering him off. "I know it's him! Where's he now?" He hissed, looking around as if Spellman was hiding somewhere in there.

Lindsay bit her lips, choosing carefully the words she was going to say next. "Kelly, let CPD handle it. I'll see what I can find about him today, but I warn you, as a friend, who doesn't want you doing something even more stupid, stay away! You go anywhere near Spellman, you'll make me lock you up for your own sake."

Severide clenched his fists tight, narrowing his eyes once again. "And what – give him time to burn more buildings? Kill more people!"

Matt made a step forward, crossing his arms, shooting a glare at his fellow lieutenant. "What do you expect us to do?"

"I don't know, Casey! Arrest him, put him in a cage, set him on fire, I don't care! Hadley's using him to get out of prison right in front of our eyes!"

Casey let out a frustrated snort, having hard time grasping all the information. "Your obsession's clouding your judgment. There's nothing to prove he's the arsonist!"

Severide didn't bother to hide his hurt face. He turned his head around, looking at Lindsay. "You think so, too?"

"There is no evidence - " She stopped in the middle of the sentence when Severide's fist connected with the edge of his desk and he stormed out of his quarters.

Casey hurried after him, but Boden stopped him before he had made it through the door. "Give him some time."

Xxx

The creaking of the front door and two sets of footsteps pulled Kelly out the nightmare his mind had been reliving for the last many hours. It was dark in the apartment even though it was a chilly, but sunny morning. The living room smelled like cheap alcohol, two empty bottles and some sort of prescription drugs laying on the table next to the couch Severide was sitting on, with knees pressed against his chest.

Taking a few seconds to process the scene in front of him, Matt dropped his bag on the floor, visibly scared. Gabby stood right beside him, her eyes widely open. But she didn't lose self-control and moved closer to the window, opening the blinds to let the sun in.

"Kelly, what have you done?!" Casey couldn't mask the worry in the voice. He stepped closer to his fellow lieutenant to get a better look at his face and eyes.

"I couldn't…" Kelly whispered absent minded, pressing his eyes shut because the light was hurting them.

"Hey, talk to me!" Truck Lt. demanded, suspicious that his friend had mixed the unidentified pills with the cheap vodka.

"I couldn't have a sip, Casey!" Severide uttered bitterly. "I stopped by the first shop on my way, got the worst Vodka ever and came here to - " He paused mid. sentence, finally having the courage to look his friend in the eyes. "I've got the pills from when I was addicted to painkillers…vodka and painkillers, what better way to end this, huh? Everybody wins…Then saw that."

Casey narrowed his eyes, reading the words on a piece of white paper on the floor. _"Prove it."_ Two simple words, written with letters cut out of newspapers, just like in the movies. "When did you get it?"

"It was in an envelope under the door…couldn't be bothered to read it until I opened the first vodka…I froze for a moment…just like that. Then poured out the vodka into the sink…If I take my life, who'll make him pay? That's what I thought! I'm taking Spellman and Hadley to hell with me!"

Casey bit his lips to stop himself from giving the Squad Lt. a lecture that was only going to make things worse. He had said it all many times before and it was clear words weren't going to help. The idea of calling Kara and asking her to come to his place and talk to Kelly crossed Matt's mind, but he knew that Severide would probably get angrier and lock himself into the spare bedroom. "C'mon, let's go to a place." Casey urged at the end, checking if the keys for his truck were still in the left pocket of his jeans.

"Matt…"

"No questions asked…you don't wanna talk, we don't talk."

"I'm no good..." Kelly protested, not moving from the couch.

"C'mon, it's a construction job. You want to let out some steam, I've got nails and a hammer."

Xxx

Forty – five minutes later Casey parked his truck in front of a small house that looked abandoned. What Kelly didn't like wasn't the old place, but the other cars parked on the street…cars he had seen many times before. Gabby got out, grabbing the two big bags she had taken, but the Truck Lt. didn't move, starting to change his mind about the whole construction job.

"What are they doing here?" Kelly growled, referring to Mouch, Otis, Cruz, Capp and Brett, whose cars he had recognized.

Truck Lt. waited until Dawson had closed the door of the truck before turning his whole attention to his friend. "51 got this place really cheap for Herrmann. It's in a bad shape but everyone's willing to help to fix it and decorate it. It's much smaller than their house, but it's a start."

"Man, I can't - "

"You don't have to talk to anybody. There are two single beds that need to be put together in one of the rooms, you take care of them, no one's gonna bother you."

Casey put a satisfied smile on his face when Kelly reluctantly agreed to help. He showed him the room and what to do and left him in there, hearing occasional cursing, or the hammer hitting objects way too hard, but it was a better way for the Squad Lt. to deal with his angst than punching people, drowning his sorrows in alcohol or worse…

It was just past lunchtime when Matt got two bacon sandwiches out of his lunchbox and headed toward to room to give Severide one. Through a small opening of the door he could see his friend sitting on the bed he had just put together, visibly tired, staring at the wall with blank expression.

"It's taking me much longer to figure out the double bed." Casey broke the silence, extending his arm to offer Kelly one of the sandwiches. Severide took it and dropped it on the bed, murmuring a thank you. As promised, Truck Lt. didn't talk further. Yes, he had been hoping that getting out of their apartment and doing something useful might help Kelly open up, but he had to keep his end of the deal.

Preparing to leave, Matt was surprised when this time Severide broke the silence. "Why are you still trying to help me, Casey? I'm dragging you and everyone else into the hole I'm in."

"We made a promise, to Andy…remember?"

_***Flashback***_

"_To us!" Andy Darden rose his glass for a toast with his two best friends. It was the night before Kelly Severide, Matthew Casey and Andy Darden got their first assignments after the fire academy, not knowing to which firehouse's they were going to be assigned, not knowing whether they'd stay together or not._

"_I need another one." Kelly looked at them with a dumb expression, his glass empty._

"_Don't move!" Andy ordered in a slurred voice, letting out a chuckle when Kelly froze in his seat, trying to be serious when they were too drunk for it. "Now listen carefully."_

"_You sound like an old FBI agent." Casey grinned and they laughed at his stupid joke for the next minute. _

"_Seriously guys, we gotta promise that wherever we go next, we'll always be best buds. We'll always have each other's backs even in the darkest moments of our lives. We'll always be there for each other just like the whiskey's here for us right now!"_

"_Cheers to that." Matt smiled, raising his glass._

_***End of flashback***_

The ringing of his phone brought Matt back to reality. Getting his mobile out of his pocket, he saw the id of the caller and his gut churned. Trying to look as calm as possible, he walked out the room before taking the call.

"Mrs. Turner." Truck Lt. answered in a firm tone.

"_Lieutenant Casey, I'm glad I've reached you." _Тhe state attorney said in a huff. _"I've been trying to get in touch with Lieutenant Severide since yesterday."_

"He's with me right now. What's going on?"

"_Yesterday I was sent a video from one of 51's security cameras…" _She started in a calmer voice. _"Of Lieutenant Severide nearly killing an ex-firefighter. Hadley's attorney sent it to be more precise. They are gonna use it in court tomorrow to prove that Kelly is mentally unstable."_

"And they have the video from where exactly?!" Matt growled, attracting the attention of Mouch who was painting the wall not far away from him.

"_I don't know. Meet me tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock sharp to discuss what we're gonna do. We need to be at court by 11."_

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Lol, here he is, Lt. Spellman, the arsonist helping Hadley. After all, he started at 51 at the time Hadley was setting fires and going after Severide. So he had the chance to get to know Hadley (indirectly) and how his mind works better…a bad, bad person! I hated him the minute he set foot at 51 in season 2. There was only one correct guess about his identity (well done!), so I hope you're surprised. What do you think? I really hope you're not disappointed, or that it wasn't too predictable of those of you who didn't venture a guess. If you're wondering why Spellman's targeting Kelly, well you'll find out soon, haha :D **

**Not much Linseride here, but Erin has an important task now – finding evidence that Kelly's being right. Did you like the small moments between them though?**

**This is one of the most angsty chapters I've ever written and I think the bromance (lots of it) fits well, what do you guys think? **

**As always, I'd love to hear your opinion, no matter what it is, so please review! **** Thanks!**


	8. Chapter 8

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 8**

"Okay, what have we got so far?" Lindsay barked, rubbing her tired eyes. Voight had ordered his entire team to work overnight and dig out everything there was about ex-lieutenant Spellman and his possible connection to Hadley. Nobody had protested. Because, after all, CPD and CFD were one family. Kelly's enemies were theirs.

"That guy - " Antonio took a photo of Spellman and hung it on the board in their desk area. "has a cleaner criminal record than me!"

"Born on March 3rd, 1974 in Arizona, his parents were high school teachers at the time, they are still alive, looking after their two granddaughters from Spellman's older sister who works there as an oncologist." Atwater added before finishing his third coffee for the past two hours.

Halstead grabbed a piece of paper that had just come out of the printer and stepped forward, double checking that he had read the information correctly. "Here's something interesting though. He moved to Chicago in 1992 after his family home burned to the ground…his 15 years old brother died in the fire."

"Do we know anything about that fire?" Voight growled, standing at the door of his office, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Yea…a 17 years old kid from Spellman's mum's Biology class was the main suspect. They couldn't prove it in court and he got away with it. A couple of weeks later Spellman came to Chicago, lived with his aunt for a few months before getting a place at the Fire Academy. Graduated second in his class, worked hard for ten years before his Chief talked him into taking the lieutenant's exam…Seven months later he transferred to another house to be in charge of a Truck. His dream."

"I talked to his wife – Christine, on the phone." It was Erin's turn to share her findings. "They met at a sport centre after a swimming session when he was at the Academy. Fourteen months later they got married. Then their twin girls were born. Three years later they had another child. Christine said they've lived happily until McLeod started closing firehouses. Spellman lost his Truck, filled in a spot at 51. McLeod needed a snitch and when Clarke refused, she promised to put Spellman in charge of another Truck in exchange for his help to shut down 51. The guys over there found out, "transferred" him out of their house, but apparently every firefighter in Chicago heard about it. Spellman couldn't fit in anywhere else and quickly became angrier, a loner, drinking too much. After a night out before shift, he made a mistake that cost the life a father of two and was discharged. His drinking behavior got worse and his wife took the kids, got a job in Detroit and moved there."

"So, basically, he hates everyone at 51." Antonio stated the obvious, not taking his eyes off the photo of their suspect.

"Okay, but why work with Hadley? And how? Nobody's been to the prison to visit him. No phone calls, no interaction with people from the outside world." Ruzek asked the tough questions, the questions they couldn't answer.

"And why go after Kelly?" Erin added, looking helplessly around as if the answer was somewhere in their office. "C'mon guys, we need answers, now!" Her voice become louder, angrier.

With a concerned expression, Voight stepped closer to her and put his callous hand on her shoulder to provide some comfort. "Hey, take a break, go prepare for the trial. We'll keep working."

Xxx

The night before Hadley's trial Matt slept on the couch to be closer to his friend if needed. That night Kelly had e few hours of sleep for the first time in a lot of time, sleep he desperately needed if the dark circles under his eyes were any indication. The reason was neither his calm mind, nor his tiredness…it was because Casey had slipped him sleep drops in a glass of water before going to bed. Truck Lt. had been sure the drops would give Kelly 5-6 hours of deep sleep as they were the same drops Halley had used to give him during his nightmare with Voight.

Inside the guest bedroom, a man with tormented expression was laying on the bed, tossing and turning covered in his own sweat, a prisoner of his own mind. His eyes were tightly shut, his mouth not letting out a sound, but the nightmares of Hadley and Spellman taking Shay's life away and walking out the building free as birds was tearing him apart.

His alarm going off at 5.30am pulled Kelly out of his misery. He let out a moan and slowly opened his eyes, hitting the snooze button. In the next second, his entire nightmare came back to him, accompanied by a wave of fear…fear that Hadley was going to get away with everything. His gut churned and Kelly burst out of bed, storming into the bathroom and throwing up his dinner from the night before. Supporting his weight on the toilet seat, he took a couple of deep breaths, attempting to suppress a new wave of nausea.

Severide had no idea that Matt was watching him from behind until he felt Casey's hand rub comforting circles around his back…something Shay had used to do. "Nightmares?" Matt asked, not really expecting an answer. He grabbed a few tissues and handed them to Kelly, then helped him make it to the shower and left him alone, heading into the kitchen to make some coffee and breakfast, trying not to wake Dawson up. Her presence in court was being requested as well, along with everyone else from 51, but she could sleep for another couple of hours.

Almost half an hour later, Casey left three plates with omelets on the kitchen counter, his eyes following Kelly's every movement from his bedroom to the kitchen. It wasn't until Severide stood in front of him, wearing a black suit, that Matt noticed how much weight his friend had lost.

"I know." Kelly grunted, referring to his loose suit and the scene Casey had witnessed 30 minutes earlier. "Can't keep anything down." He added, collapsing on the chair closest to him under Casey's scrutinizing look.

"Since when?"

"I don't know." Kelly replied too quickly, trying to end the small chat, but Matt wasn't prepared to let it go.

"C'mon!" Casey's eyebrows furrowed, his lips pressed together, overwhelmed by helplessness. "I wanna help you, Kelly, I really do, but can't, unless you allow me to." He added, pushing his remaining breakfast away and heading to the living room where he had left his suit the night before to change.

Squad Lt. spent the next five minutes with elbows firmly placed on the counter, his head buried into his hands, trying to switch off his exhausted mind for a few minutes, but the fear that had settled inside him was constantly reminding him that his life had turned into a hell and there was no way out.

"Since the fire at Herrmann's." Kelly's voice came out as a whisper, but Matt, who had just returned fully dressed up to take his coffee, heard him. Severide lifted his head and fixed his watery eyes on Truck Lt. "I swear, Casey, there are moments when I'm that close to ending it all…can't work, can't eat or sleep, now Hadley's gonna get out of where he belongs because of me!"

"What happened with "Kelly Severide never gives up" you used to say at the Academy?" Truck Lt. smiled at the memory of his cocky friend, but his smile quickly disappeared. "You need to pull up a fight."

"I've nothing left to fight for, Casey!"

"Justice! You give up, they win."

"Yea, I've been fighting for that for a long time now and see where we're going today." Kelly let out a snort, rubbing his eyes.

"No." Casey stated in a firm voice. "Not revenge, justice…what you've been looking for is revenge and they know it, that's why you've fallen into their traps."

Kelly opened his mouth to say that all he wanted was for Spellman and Hadley to pay, no matter how, but Matt stopped him. "You need another reason? Fight for what you've got with Erin, fight for your career. What you've ever wanted is to be in Squad and have a family, you can have both…Isn't it worth it?"

The corners of Severide's lips curled into a barely visible smile that quickly vanished. Family…he had stopped believing that he'd ever have one…it sounded like a dream that would never come true. But he could not deny he had feelings for Erin…feelings he had been suppressing since the nightmare had begun.

Kelly granted Matt with a silent nod, forcing himself to take a bite of the omelet laying in front of him before speaking again. "I…don't know how to do it, man…I feel…lost."

Casey made a few steps forward and placed one hand on his friend's shoulder. Kelly put the fork down and looked at Matt in wonder. "We'll figure it out, tonight, after we send Hadley back to where he belongs. Together, Kelly!"

Xxx

When the judge entered the courtroom and everybody stood up to show respect, Kelly's eyes locked with Hadley's. It wasn't until Erin placed her hand on his knee that he remembered to sit down. His eyes moved around in their orbits, making a note of who was there – the whole firehouse, Clarke, Erin, Kara, Spellman with bandages around his ribs and nose…so many people…for a moment he felt as if the tie he was wearing was too tight, that he could not breath, but when Hadley's attorney spoke, the fear was replaced by anger and the sudden desire to wring the necks of both ex-firefighters in the room and end it once and for all.

"Kelly." Lindsay whispered in his ear, having felt the sudden change in her friend's posture. Her hand grabbed his wrist in a manner nobody except for Casey who, was on Kelly's other site, could see. Squad Lt. took a deep breath and let his body relax, focusing his attention on the prosecutor's speech.

The first seventy-five minutes went smoothly, the state attorney presenting all the evidence against Hadley, calling in and questioning every member of Truck, Squad, Dawson, Chief, Clarke, the AI detectives. As expected, Kelly's statement was one of the most important pieces of evidence. What the prosecutor had was solid…or at least seemed to be.

There was a short fifteen minute break before they returned to the courtroom, Squad Lt. doing his best to avoid his colleagues and the people who cared about him.

"Your honor, nobody but Lieutenant Kelly Severide had seen my client setting fires, there is no forensic evidence that my client has been at the burned down buildings, nothing incriminating has been found at his home. It is true that similar fires have been set after my client had been sentenced, taking the lives of good people. It is also clear that these fires have targeting people from firehouse 51 and Lieutenant Kelly Severide in particular, but they've got a lot of enemies capable of doing it. Yet my client hasn't spoken to anybody and hasn't had any visitors in jail, proving that there is no way my client has an accessory. The only solid proof that my client is an arsonist comes from the statements of a man who can be considered mentally unstable, danger to others and has history in alcohol and substance abuse. Now I am going to prove to you that the main witness is not reliable." Hadley's lawyer declared, staring at Kelly. He was satisfied when Severide jumped furiously on his sit, both Matt and Erin whispering calming words into his ears, but this time his behavior got the attention of most of the people in the room. With the corner of his eyes he could see Hadley and Spellman exchange looks of triumph.

"Your honor, the first witness I want to question is Lieutenant Matthew Casey, a good friend and current housemate of Kelly Severide." The lawyer added, his wish getting quickly approved by the judge.

Casey cursed under his breath, grateful when Boden, who was sitting behind him, granted him with a pat on the shoulder for support. Matt rose on his feet and walked to the witness stand, the clerk reminding him that he had sworn to tell the truth.

"Lieutenant Casey, you've been friends with Lieutenant Severide for how long exactly?" Hadley's attorney questioned.

"Fourteen years."

"That's right. You two were close to Andy Darden before his death on the line of duty. So you know Kelly Severide well?"

"Yes, I do." Matt replied harshly, having no idea what the purpose of the questions was.

"Did Kelly Severide's behavior change in any way after his childhood friend died?"

"I object!" The state attorney growled, raising on her feet. "The questions have nothing to do with Kevin Hadley!"

"Your honor, I've got reasons to believe that the mental state of the main witness has been progressively declining since the death of Andy Darden and paramedic Leslie Shay later on, making him unreliable."

"Please, answer the question." The judge announced his decision, turning to look at Matt.

"Andy's death affected everyone at firehouse 51, including Kelly."

"And is it true that he got addicted to painkillers that made his behavior even more unpredictable?" Hadley's lawyer didn't hide his joy when the question took Matt by surprise.

Truck Lt. didn't answer immediately, trying to think of a way to mask the truth…unfortunately there was no such way. "It's true, but he got help and quit."

"How can you be sure? Has he taken a drug test to prove it, even though we know he's faked one before?" The attorney was referring to the one time Shay had given Kelly her urine for a drug test, something neither the state attorney, nor Erin were aware of.

Fighting the urge to punch the man questioning him, Casey exchanged a brief look with Erin. "No, I've never seen the results of a test." He muttered, a part of him hoping that Kelly wouldn't hear the words. The attorney knew exactly what questions to ask to make it look bad. "I trust Kelly." Matt added in a desperate attempt to fix the situation.

"But at the time your friendship was strained if I'm not mistaken. Is it possible that he hid the truth?"

"Yes, I guess"

"Actually, is it often, after Darden's and Shay's deaths that Lieutenant Severide lies to you?"

"It's happened."

"On more than one occasion?"

"Yes."

"Okay. One last question – when Kevin Hadley caught fire, you helped lieutenant Severide put it off and take Hadley outside to an ambulance. Lieutenant Severide claims that my client had set the building on fire, using a bottle of gasoline, and then himself. My client, on the other hand, says that he'd been in the neighborhood when he had seen the flames and as a good firefighter had decided to help. Did you see Kevin Hadley with a bottle of gasoline, setting fire?"

"No." Casey barked, knowing that he had just nailed the first pin into Kelly's coffin.

"So it's the word of a man potentially on drugs against my client's. That's everything, thank you Lieutenant Casey."

Matt wasn't surprised that when he got back to his seat Kelly didn't even bother looking at him. Their whole defense strategy had been blown to pieces. As Casey sat down, Hadley's attorney called out Erin. Taking a seat behind the witness stand, she swore to tell the truth only, dreading the questions that were about to be asked.

"Detective Lindsay, when did you meet Kelly Severide for the first time?" The first question was a simple one, or at least it seemed so at first.

"Just over a year ago."

"Under what circumstances?"

"Saving a life, he got involved with a bad guy who later kidnapped his sister. I worked on the case."

"That's right – Vince Keeler. Your records say that he disappeared without a trace. Actually, Lieutenant Severide was your main suspect for Keeler's sudden disappearance, right?"

"Yes, but there was no evidence and the case went cold."

"Did you have feelings for Kelly Severide at the time or your relationship started later? Because we all know how Voight's team loses evidence from time to time." The lawyer smirked barely noticeable.

"I object! That case was months after Kevin Hadley was sentenced!" The state attorney barked icily, having realized that she had underestimated Hadley's attorney. He was a guy in his forties, a different one from the man awaiting his retirement she had dealt with during the first trial.

"You don't have to answer." The judge nodded in agreement, but the damage was already done – all her answers were going to be seen in relation to her feelings for Kelly.

"You have seen Lieutenant Severide's file. Is it true that almost two years ago he was charged for sexual harassment?"

"Yes, and he was proven innocent, the woman accusing him was found to have been lying"

"Yes. But from those cases and your experience as a detective, doesn't Lieutenant Severide have a lot of enemies for a firefighter?"

"He does."

"And technically any of them could be the arsonist targeting him, right? Actually, it is even possible that the arsonist is somebody his father, arson investigator Benny Severide, has sent to jail, correct?"

Erin blinked before answering, frightened what consequences her reply would have. "Yes, it is possible."

"IT'S HIM!" Erin's heart almost came to a stop when Kelly jumped on his feet and pointed Spellman, Matt struggling to hold him back. "HELPING THAT SON OF A BITCH FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON!" He didn't stop, moving his finger in the direction of Hadley, whose smile widened from ear to ear.

"Lieutenant Severide, I warn you - " The judge said in a firm voice, but he didn't have a chance to finish his sentence.

"WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THAT VIDEO YOU'VE GOT? WHERE HE ADMITS HE'S A KILLER!" Kelly kept yelling, looking at Hadley's attorney first and then at Spellman, daring them to use the video of him nearly killing Spellman from the day before. As Erin was still by the witness stand, Boden was helping Casey hold Severide back, but Kelly was furiously trying to free himself.

"GET HIM OUT OF MY COURTROOM!" This time the judge yelled, making a sign to two of the guards to escort Squad Lt. out. "One hour brake!"

_Enemy, familiar friend_

_My beginning and my end._

_Knowing truth, whispering lies_

_And it hurts again._

_What I fear and what I've tried,_

_Words I say and what I hide._

_All the pain, I want it to end_

_It's breaking me._

_It's breaking me._

_I'm falling apart._

_I'm falling apart._

_(Red – "Fight inside")_

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**Thank you all for your support, I was so incredibly happy to see that you like the previous chapter and find it interesting that Spellman is the arsonist helping Hadley.**

**I bet you already hate Hadley's lawyer. He knows where to push and what to ask to get the answers he wants. I bet Hadley's told him all the details about Kelly's drug addiction, nasty piece of *h*t, haha. Would Kelly's breakdown play in Hadley's favor? Or maybe the talk with Casey would give our boy the strength he needs to fight this?**

**I had to throw in some of Spellman's background, sorry if you found it boring. Also I don't think there's much about Spellman's history and family on the show, sorry if by any chance my version contradicts what's on the show.**

**Hmmm, Matt knows how Kelly feels about Erin – what a surprise! But I think love is a good reason to live, what do you guys think?**

**I'd love to hear your opinion, no matter what it is, so please review! **** Thanks!**


	9. Chapter 9

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 9**

"_GET HIM OUT OF MY COURTROOM!" This time the judge yelled, making a sign to two of the guards to escort Squad Lt. out. "One hour brake!"_

The two guards hurried to get to Kelly, the younger of them pushing Squad Lieutenant in the direction of the door. Severide's eyes met Spellman's, and even though no words were said out loud, Kelly read his lips – "prove it".

"I WILL!" Kelly yelled, jerking his arm free.

"Mr. Severide - " The younger guard barked, reaching out to grab Kelly's wrist.

"Don't touch me!" Kelly hissed through greeted teeth, elbowing the guard roughly in his attempt to avoid being touched by the man.

Casey, alongside Lindsay and about 80 more people, had to watch helplessly as the older guard twisted and tied Kelly's hand behind his back, while the other one handcuffed him…

Xxx

Matt was one of the first people to make it to the hallway after the one hour brake was announced for a second time. He looked around, desperate to locate Kelly, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"That shrink…I think she's not helped him much." Casey turned in the direction of Spellman's unpleasant voice, his fist tightening so much that his knuckles turned red.

"Hey!" Boden growled from behind his lieutenant, stopping him from finishing what Kelly had started. "Get out of my sight!" Chief turned to look at Spellman, thankful that another couple of guards had walked Hadley back to a cell through a different exit.

"You're all insane." Spellman muttered before disappearing somewhere in the crowd.

A few seconds later Erin finally managed to shove past all the people and joined them, her face pale, as if belonging to a ghost.

"Where's Kelly?" Matt looked at her, panic evident in his voice.

"Let's go." She muttered, leading the Truck lieutenant to a room at the end of the corridor, Boden staying there with Dona who had just joined them with their son. The CPD detective flashed her badge and the officer standing by the door let them in reluctantly, not leaving his position.

Kelly was standing in the corner of the room, facing the wall, leaning his head on it, his body trembling because of the adrenalin rush.

"Take the handcuffs off!" Lindsay barked, showing her badge to the officer next to Kelly. "Now!" She added, stepping toward her friend and waiting impatiently for the officer to unlock and remove the cuffs.

"Kelly, look at me." She demanded firmly, Matt listening to what she was going to say, too frustrated to be able to offer his friend any comforting words.

When Severide didn't show any sign he had heard her, Erin rested her hands on his hip. For her surprise, he didn't protest and let her guide him to the closest chair.

"If you don't trust me, you should have just said it!" Severide uttered, his harsh comment targeting both Casey and Erin.

Matt opened his mouth to argue, but the state attorney walked in, the expression on her face – as if somebody had just died. "Spent the last fifteen minutes defending my main witness' behavior!"

"How bad?" Erin shot her a glance.

"You threatened to kill Hadley!" The attorney ignored Lindsay's question and focused her attention on the Squad Lieutenant.

"He walks out of that courtroom free, I'm gonna do it" He growled, his body taking a more aggressive position, as if preparing for a fight. Casey placed a hand on his right shoulder, gently pushing him down.

"You're not going back to the courtroom, Kelly!" The state attorney announced. "For safety reasons, your testimony's going to be taken tomorrow in the absence of Kevin Hadley and the other witnesses. And to get a better feeling of where you'll be going if you touch Hadley, you're spending the night in the arrest!"

"You must be joking!" Casey let out a frustrated sigh.

"The judge was going to give him a week…"

Xxx

It was around 9pm and Kelly was laying on an uncomfortable bed in a cell in pitch darkness, eyes wide open. He had tried going to sleep, something he really needed, but all he could think of was the trial…he knew what the reality was, knew that his emotional breakdown in court was like a "get out of jail" card for two monsters…the same monsters who had killed Shay, the same monsters who had turned his life into a hell.

He wasn't sure if he was dreaming, or it was real, when he heard a familiar voice arguing with one of the CPD officers. When two people stopped in front of the cell he was in, he didn't bother turning his head around to see what was going on.

Erin fixed her eyes on the lifeless figure laying on his left side with knees pressed against his chest. "Thanks." She granted the officer with a smile when he unlocked the door so that she could walk in. Lindsay eyes darted around the unpleasant room, falling on the untouched dinner, before focusing on Kelly.

"What are you doing here?" Severide asked icily, rolling on his back.

"Thought you might need a roommate." When her attempt to break the tension failed, Lindsay's face acquired a serious expression once again. "Voight pulled some strings so I can stay with you tonight…off the books. Promised Matt I'll take care of you."

Kelly didn't admit it, but he felt relieved that he wouldn't have to spend the night alone with his thoughts "How did it go?"

"Kara testified after me, then Boden, Herrmann and the rest of the guys." Erin rushed her answer, hoping that Kelly would decide to save himself the additional pain and drop the subject.

"Did they confirm I'm a drug-addicted freak accusing innocent souls of being killers?"

For Erin, it felt like it wasn't Kelly speaking…it was like he was a total stranger, a lifeless creature living in the body of a good man. "Please, don't do this to yourself, Kelly." She uttered, not sure whether to touch his trembling hand. "I do believe Hadley and the scumbag helping him belong in jail, and we'll find a way to stop them. The whole team's working on the case…"

"Listen - "

"No, you listen!" The CPD detective raised her voice in frustration. "I can't watch you destroy yourself anymore! You wanna get revenge – prove that judge you cannot be trusted, it won't be hard after today! Then when Hadley gets out, just kill him on the street outside…I won't be there to stop you…nobody would…but I'm telling you it won't help you feel better." Erin turned around to hide her watery eyes. She hadn't cried in a long time, years maybe…she was strong after all. And yet, the thought of giving up on the man she loved with her whole heart was enough to break her down. "I'm gonna leave you - "

"I need you." Kelly mumbled, his voice sounding scared…

_And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me _

_And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you _

_And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore _

_And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me _

_(Red – "Breath into me")_

Erin froze on her feet for a moment, but then quickly wiped away the burning tears and stepped closer to the bed, sitting on the edge so that she could have eye contact with him. "You have me. But I need you to keep the promise you've made to Matt and let us help you…just trust us, okay?"

"Okay." Kelly wanted to tell her how he was feeling about her, but instead of words, a silent cry escaped his lips. How could he be with her? He was a dead man walking…what could he give her? Was he going to put her in danger? He rolled on his left side, burying his head under the thin duvet, feeling Erin's every movement as she laid next to him, wrapping him into a gentle hug…

That night they didn't sleep…they didn't talk…they didn't move even…that night Kelly allowed himself to cry, like a little baby…for Shay, for Andy, for Herrmann, for Luke who was still in a coma, for his own life that he had lost…and Erin – she was there, holding him into a protective hug, listening to his sobs and pain, the pain of a man who had to find his way back to life.

Xxx

Next morning Casey left home early, dressed up in the same suit he had worn the day before, Dawson sitting on the passenger sit of his truck in silence. He hadn't anticipated how long the trial would be…truthfully, he had thought it would be over in a couple of hours. Instead, he had to go to the courtroom for a second day in a row and listen to Spellman's and Hadley's lies.

Ten minutes before the start of the trial, Casey found Erin just as she hit one of the vending machines close to the courtroom, not getting the chocolate bar she had paid for.

"Rough night?" Matt didn't mean to scare her, but Lindsay turned around quickly, ready to shoot him. "Sorry." He murmured, handing her some spare change for the machine that finally let her have her breakfast.

"We talked." Erin's eyebrows furrowed, the corners of her mouth twisting into a sad smile, but she didn't say anything else about her talk with Kelly, although Casey had a pretty good idea what their conversation had been about. "Kelly's staying in the arrest until he testifies in the afternoon…we'll hear the jury's decision by the end of today." She explained, walking into the courtroom, Casey following her to the same seats they had occupied the day before. He wanted to ask whether Voight's team had made any progress, even though he suspected that the answer was going to be negative, but then two officers walked Hadley in. Kevin looked in their direction, satisfied to see that Kelly wasn't there…it meant that his plan had been successful.

Five minutes after the start of the trial, Spellman stood by the witness stand and swore to tell the truth only, something he wasn't going to do.

"Mr. Spellman, would you tell us what's happened to you?" The lawyer jumped straight to the important questions, impatient to win the case.

"Yes…I worked at firehouse 51 for a few months, but I was asked to transfer out as I couldn't really fit in there. My working style was very different from theirs…I know everybody personally and I was absolutely devastated when I read about Leslie Shay's death in the paper. I went to her memorial service last week, to pay my respects, when suddenly Lieutenant Severide accused me of being an arsonist. I wanted to give him my sincerest condolences after the service. Instead, I was nearly beaten to death."

"Your honor, the tape from the security camera from the back exit of firehouse 51 proves it." Hadley's representative announced, preparing to play the tape.

"Son of a bitch!" Mouch murmured so that only Boden and Herrmann heard him, focusing his attention on the video.

Unsurprisingly, the video confirmed Spellman's words, a professional mouth reader confirming that Spellman had only given his condolences to Kelly, without insulting him in any way.

When the video was over, Hadley's lawyer granted his client with a nod, before turning his attention to the judge. "Your honor, I believe that what you've just seen confirms that Lieutenant Severide is not only mentally unstable, but he is a danger to others."

The next one to testify was Kevin Hadley himself. He swore that he had never been in contact with Spellman, implying that he was an innocent victim, rotting in jail while the real arsonist was out there…

Xxx

"Antonio, it's not looking good." Erin murmured over the phone, Casey and the guys from Truck 81 standing close to her, listening to her every word, anxious to know whether Voight's team had found new evidence. "Tell me you've got something!"

"_We turned Spellman's house upside down…nothing! He's not renting any other property or storage unit. Atwater's checked his credit card balance – he spends small amounts of money on food, alcohol, sends what's left of his salary to his kids. Basically he hasn't bought anything that might be used to start fires…Halstead's been to the fast food place he works at now, nothing suggests that he might be an arsonist. His boss says that he's usually quiet but always punctual and does the job well._

"What about Hadley?"

"_Nothing!...He's got no friends, no living relatives, no money - "_

"Damn it!" Lindsay cursed, her brain refusing to come up with any more ideas. Before she had the chance to ask Antonio more questions, her attention was caught by the two CPD officers escorting Kelly to the now almost empty courtroom. "Antonio, get us something!" She barked, pressing the "end call" button on her phone.

Looking down, too embarrassed to face all the people watching him, Kelly walked past his brothers and into the courtroom, the door closing behind him. Besides the judge, the clerks and the jury, he recognized the state attorney sitting on the front row and Hadley's lawyer, but the man in his fifties next to him, he had never seen before.

"Lieutenant Severide, I took the time to read everything about you last night and I strongly believe that you're a good man, going through something terrible." The judge said, while Kelly took his place behind the witness stand, thinking of the promise he had given to Erin and Matt. "I hope that you've had enough time to reconsider your attitude, and to make sure you don't end up in jail for something stupid you might do, I want you to attend one-to-one sessions with Doctor Robert Shaw once a week." The man next to the lawyer smiled warmly, earning an icy look from Kelly. "He's one of the best psychiatrists I know and has helped to a lot of people. He's going to report back to me, and if you refuse to go or skip a meeting, I'll send you to jail for threatening Kevin Hadley in my courtroom and assaulting , resulting in a significant bodily harm. You two can discuss a suitable day and time after we're done here."

Kelly bit his lips to stop himself from telling the judge that he wasn't meeting any shrinks. When Severide didn't protest, Hadley's lawyer stood up, taking a final look at the list of questions he had prepared…

Xxx

An hour later Casey found his friend in the men's toilet, sitting on the dirty floor, leaning on the wall closest to the sinks, tiny drops of blood dripping from the knuckles of his right hand.

"It was either the wall, or that lawyer." Kelly growled, looking up, his eyes meeting Casey's.

"I'd have punched the wall, too." Matt said truthfully, sitting next to his friend. "But if they set him on fire as a thank you, I won't rush to save him."

"Hope they do!" Severide retorted, leaning the back of his head on the wall and closing his eyes, letting his frame relax a bit. "You know what he asked me?"

Matt found it unnecessarily to reply and remained silent, expecting his friend to continue.

"Lieutenant Severide, you're claiming that Kevin Hadley set multiple fires in the autumn of 2013, targeting you and your colleagues." Squad Lieutenant explained as if talking to himself, mimicking Hadley's attorney's voice. "Was there anything else going on in your life at the same time that was upsetting you? – Yes, I found out that the woman carrying my supposed child had slept with another man and the kid was not mine, not to mention the arsonist trying to kill me!" Kelly heard Casey mutter a curse, but didn't stop, having the sudden desire to let it off his chest. "So you were upset? Angry? - Yes, I was; And you needed to blame somebody for your misery? – No, I did not!; Is it true that you and some of your colleagues are victims of an arsonist right now, the fires being identical to the ones before, as confirmed by Arson Investigations and CPD? Yes, it's true; And one of them resulted in the death of Leslie Shay, your best friend?...So how is it possible for my client to have set those fires, when he's in jail? – Why don't you ask your witness, Spellman, who's helping your client for God knows what reasons!; Tell me, Lieutenant Severide, have you ever seen my client start a fire? – No.; So you didn't see him do anything wrong before he nearly burned to death? – He was holding a bottle of gasoline, ready to blow us up!; My client claims that he'd picked up the bottle to take it outside. Instead of helping him, you accused him of being an arsonist and jumped on him, resulting in him dropping the bottle and setting himself on fire - "

"Kelly!" Casey interjected, ending his friend's monologue.

"So now I'm the bad guy?"

"No, you're not." Matt reassured him, but the hurt expression on Kelly's face didn't go away. "Everybody believes you."

Kelly shook his head, the corners of his mouth turning upwards to form a grimace. "After what was said in that courtroom, I'm not sure I believe myself anymore…maybe I really am insane and it's all in my head…"

Before Casey could reply, Herrmann walked in, informing them that the jury was ready to announce its decision.

"Hey, no stupid moves this time, okay?" Matt warned him firmly after Herrmann left, helping Kelly get up the floor.

"I've got it under control." Severide muttered in response, cleaning the dried blood on his hand before following Casey down the corridor into the courtroom.

It wasn't long before the jury walked in, the facial expressions of the people deciding Hadley's faith revealing the outcome of the trial before any words were spoken…

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**I've said it before, I'll say it again – you guys are awesome! Thank you so much for reading, for the reviews and the support!**

**Another very angsty and tense chapter, but more Linseride this time. I really enjoyed writing the scenes between Kelly and Erin, hope you liked it, I'd love to hear your thoughts. **

**Kelly opening up to Matt is a good start, right? I know, the monologue made him sound crazy…It seems that he's going to keep his promise and let them help him…Oh, wait, he's told nobody that he must talk to a shrink now. Is he going to do what the judge ordered him, or he's going to skip the meetings and get into more trouble?**

**And yeah, the most important thing – the outcome of the trial. What do you thing is going to happen? **

**I'd love to hear your opinion, no matter what it is, so please review! **** Thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10

_Warning:__ The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1_

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!_

**Chapter 10**

_It wasn't long before the jury walked in, the facial expressions of the people deciding Hadley's faith revealing the outcome of the trial before any words were spoken…_

Kelly, who was sitting between Casey and Lindsay, searched for her hand without looking away from the jury, wrapping his fingers around hers, desperate to find some comfort.

"Due to the lack of sufficient and reliable evidence, the jury finds Kevin Hadley...innocent!"

"Whaaat?!" Herrmann exclaimed from the seat behind Kelly's. "I object!" He jumped on his feet, but Boden grabbed hold of his sleeve and pushed him down onto his seat, Christopher clenching his fists tight.

"Unbelievable…" Mouch exchanged a look with Cruz, Otis cursing in Russian at the same time.

A lot of unhappy remarks were heard, many people voiced their disappointment…many people but one.

"_No…no…no."_ Kelly's mind kept thinking, not words coming out of his mouth. His breathing became slowed, to a point when Erin moved her fingers to the inside of his wrist to make sure his pulse was normal.

"Silence, please." The judge growled, finally getting the people in his courtroom to remain silent and give the clerk the chance to continue.

"Kevin Hadley is going to be financially compensated by the state for his time in prison, his record is going to be cleaned." The clerk finished, but many eyes remained focused on him, as if expecting him to announce that what he had said was a joke and Hadley would never see the outside of a prison again.

A minute later the trial was over, over were the dreams and hopes for justice of the people from firehouse 51.

"You'll pay for Luke!" Herrmann hissed when his eyes met Spellman's, the later preparing to leave the room. "I'll - "

"Herrmann!" Cruz interjected before his friend could say something he was going to regret later.

Kelly barely had the patience to wait for Casey to stand up and make room for him. Letting go of Erin's hand, Squad Lieutenant got up and shoved past Matt in silence. "I'm sorry." He muttered to Herrmann, disappearing through the double doors of the courtroom.

Severide made it to the vending machines, feeling sick, desperate for a bottle of water. Grabbing the edge of the machine with his left hand, he used his other one to insert some coins and pressed the button combination that was going to give him the desired product.

"Lieutenant, you okay? Do you need any help?" Spellman's unpleasant voice sounded behind him, Kelly's grab tightening around the edge of the vending machine. Squad Lieutenant did not turn around, determined to not give the other man the satisfaction of torturing him.

"Never better." Kelly hissed through greeted teeth, taking the water bottle out of the machines. He slowly opened it and drank half of its content, fighting his inner demons.

"If you - "

"Hey!" Casey shouted out from a few steps behind Spellman, Erin, Herrmann and Boden walking next to him. "Get out of my sight, or - "

"Or what?" Spellman turned to face the Truck Lieutenant, his eyebrows furrowed, his body taking a fighting stance.

"GO!" Boden yelled, having sensed that Casey patients was wearing extremely thin.

With a small smile dancing on his face, Spellman followed Chief's order and left them alone.

"Son of a bitch!" Kelly uttered, hitting the vending machine with the palm of his left hand. Feeling as if his legs were going to betray him soon, he sat on the end seat of the row of chairs next to the machine and finished the water.

Herrmann made a few steps forward and sat next to the Squad Lieutenant, leaning against the back of the chair. "I don't blame you…"

By the expression on Kelly's face, Erin could tell that he wasn't going to say anything, so she spoke instead. "Guys, I promise you we won't stop until we put Hadley and Spellman in jail."

"You better!" Christopher murmured. "I gotta go back to the hospital."

"Casey, I have to meet Voight, would you - "

"I'll take him home." Matt promised before Lindsay could finish her sentence.

A second later Kelly dropped the empty plastic bottle on the floor and rose on his unsteady feet, about to lose his balance, but Casey caught him by the arm, helping him stand. "I…I gotta do something first." He looked at Matt with pleading eyes, having realized that he wouldn't make it far alone.

"Okay."

Xxx

When Casey parked his truck in the cemetery's parking lot and looked at Kelly's pale face, he regretted taking his friend there. He could understand why it was important for Severide to visit the place, but it felt as if Squad did not have enough strength left to do it.

"We can come another time, if - "

"No." Kelly growled, opening the door, holding a bouquet of dark red roses in his other hand. Matt quickly followed him out of the car, holding a bouquet himself, and they slowly walked to Shay's grave without exchanging any more unnecessarily words.

When his eyes fell on the name carved into the beautiful marble stone, Squad Lieutenant froze on his feet, finding it hard to breath, the terrible feeling that he had failed Shay not leaving him. But when Casey touched the cold stone and placed the flowers on top of the grave, shading a single tear filled with so much pain, Kelly regained some control over his emotions. He stepped forward and kneeled down, not bothered by the muddy ground. Casey moved aside to give his friend some privacy, hiding his watery eyes.

With his hand trembling, Kelly placed the roses next to Matt's, his tears leaving wet marks on the stone. "Hey, Shay…I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise…Hadley…he won. He's probably out of jail already…walking free, and you're…here." He paused, touching the letters one by one, forgetting that Casey was watching him. "I've let you down, again…I thought I'd have the strength to fight him, but I don't…they win." Severide's eyes focused on the flowers, the dark red color taking his mind back to the building where all had happened, to the lifeless figure of his best friend, to the pool of blood under her blonde hair. "I'm sorry." Severide uttered before pushing himself up and walking away without looking back.

"Kelly!" Matt called out loud enough for Squad Lieutenant to hear, but he just kept walking. Casey hurried after him, helping him get into his truck after they made if back to the parking lot. Getting into the driver's seat, Truck Lieutenant stopped himself from asking what had just happened, and drove away, heading to his place.

Walking into Casey's apartment, Kelly murmured "hi" to Gabby and crashed on the couch, not bothering to change his suit for something more comfortable. Matt gave his fiancé a kiss and watched in concern as his friend picked up the remote for the TV, and began switching from one channel to another until he found a rerun of a basketball tournament. Kelly threw the remote back on the table, pretending to be watching the game.

"So what's the plan now?" Matt sat next to his friend, keeping his voice firm and steady.

Kelly shot him a glance, a grimace appearing on his face. "To watch the game."

"And when it's over?"

"I don't know, Casey, watch football, or tennis, or something else!"

A short, deep, exhaling sigh escaped Casey's mouth. He turned his attention to the game and watched the final few minutes with Kelly, who seemingly did not care about it. And when it was finally over, and a commercial about washing powders appeared on the screen, Truck Lieutenant waited patiently for his friend's next move, having the feeling that Kelly was close to reaching his breaking point for the day.

Severide picked up the remote and surfed through the channels, but he found nothing on that could take his mind off all the heavy thoughts. "Ahhh, damn it!" He cursed, smashing the remote against the table, small pieces of plastic and a pair of batteries flying around the room. The noise made Gabby jump, but she did no leave her spot in the kitchen, having taken her anger out on a couple of plates an hour earlier.

When the adrenalin rush was over, Kelly remained seated on the couch, leaning his back on a throw pillow, concentrating on his breathing. "I've got no plan, Casey."

"I told you we'll figure it out together, right?"

"Yeah…you know what, I'm tired of playing Hadley's games anymore…I don't care if he's free or in jail, I don't care if he wants to finish me, I…I just don't want to care!" Kelly was trying to believe his own words, but every fibre of his body was hungry for revenge. And there was only thing stopping him from hunting down Kevin Hadley and Spellman…the thing was called love, the woman – Erin Lindsay.

"So what you're gonna do?"

"I can buy that boat business over at Grace Lake with whatever money I've got left…"

"But?" Matt pressed further, even though he knew what the problem with Kelly's idea was.

"Erin's in Chicago." Severide replied in undertone, his feelings for the CPD detective evident in his voice.

"You two - " Matt grinned for a second, his smile vanishing when a new wave of pain flashed through his friend's face.

"She deserves better than me, man…I…I've no idea who I am anymore."

"Why don't you talk to Kara? You know she can help - "

"No!" Severide barked icily, the sudden change in his tone taking Casey by surprise, Truck Lieutenant starting to think that it was going to be one of their usual dead-end conversations.

"Kelly - "

"I'm not talking to anymore shrinks, Matt! I wanna forget about Hadley and Spellman and…Shay, and resume my life somehow…is it so damn much?!"

"No…if you're ready to put it all behind and let CPD deal with those two."

"Yeah…"

For some reason, the whole plan couldn't put Casey's mind at easy. He was having the terrible feeling that Kelly was refusing to acknowledge the result from the trial. He feared that his friend was going to bottle it up and not deal with the pain and anger, turning into a bomb ready to explode, with two psychopaths out there who could easily trigger it. The fact that he was on shift on the next day, meaning that he would have to leave Kelly alone, was scaring him even more. "Why don't you come to the station tomorrow?"

"I'll pass." Severide uttered in remorse. "You've got the keys for the house for Herrmann?"

"What's on your mind?"

"I just need time to clear my head and…I don't know, do something productive with my time…"

Xxx

"Kevin." A smile appeared on Spellman's face when he opened the door of his house the morning after the trial and Hadley walked in, dropping his bag on the floor. "Was expecting you last night."

"Went out…enjoyed my freedom." Kevin grinned, following his new best friend to the room he was going to live at.

"Yeah…I bet Severide had a good night, too." Spellmann continued their small chat, feeling enormous satisfaction. "I followed him and Casey after the trial yesterday…to the graveyard." He laughed, the hatred in his voice making Hadley even happier.

"If he likes it so much, it's gonna be his home soon…" Hadley's voice died out as he looked through the window, enjoying the blue sky and the sun.

"And what about the others?!" Spellman snapped, the smug disappearing from his face. He picked up a photo from the nightstand, a photo of him and his family in the park, pointing his oldest kid. "The deal is I help you get out of jail, then you help me destroy every single member of that damn firehouse! I lost my family because of them!"

"I know what the deal is!" Hadley hissed through greeted teeth, the morning sun falling on his burned skin. "Who's next on your list – Casey?"

"He and Severide urged their people to transfer me out!"

"See, I know what you're thinking…And you're underestimating me! I've had enough time to think of what to do to Casey to both satisfy your desire to hurt him and finish Severide…it's a win win for both of us…"

Xxx

"Calm down, Casey, he's okay!" Erin informed the Truck Lieutenant over the phone. It was dinner time and it was already dark outside, but she recognized Kelly's frame, sitting on the floor next to the staircase of Herrmann's new house, dried pain all over his t-shirt. The CPD detective had been on her way to the house to join her friend when Matt had called her, worried sick that Squad Lieutenant's phone had been off all day.

Lindsay hung up and walked closer to Severide, placing a deliciously smelling bag on the floor next to him. She looked around, finally realizing why everything in the living room looked so familiar, and sat next to him. "Had to choose between Indian and Chinese…" She said, taking a pack of shrimp chips and two take away boxes out of the bag.

"Chinese's better." Kelly offered a fake smile before opening one of the boxes. "No forks?"

"Mr. Yau and his father got offended when I asked for forks...had to take the chopsticks and get out of there." Erin giggled, amused to see that Kelly was good at maneuvering them to get the bamboo shoots surrounding his chicken into his mouth. "You've been practicing?"

"It's one of the few things Benny's ever taught me…We used to go to that sushi restaurant on my street, no forks…then I turned fourteen and realized what a jerk he was."

"You've talked to him?" She asked suspiciously, as it was unusual for Kelly to talk about his father.

"This morning…he apologized for not being able to come here and testify…"

"Kelly, you know he cannot help us…Vince Keeler's case - "

"I know!" Squad Lieutenant growled, raising his hand to indicate he didn't want to talk about his father.

"And your phone?" Lindsay pointed the device that was now laying on the floor, its display broken into tiny pieces, its battery a few inches away.

"Slipped out of my pocket." He lied, finishing his dinner.

Lindsay didn't buy it, but said nothing, spending the next minute enjoying her food and admiring what Kelly had done to the house…

"I've seen this furniture before, Kelly…" Her tone was calm and casual, but she could not ignore the fact that everything Shay and Kelly had owned, every single piece of furniture from their apartment, was now at Herrmann's house.

"I was gonna give everything to charity…can't afford paying for the storage unit anymore…Herrmann needs it more." Severide explained, a sad smile appearing on his face. He picked up the empty box of Chinese food and stood up, leaving it on the small table he had put into the living room, Erin doing the same.

"You'd need a couch…and a table at some point."

Kelly looked at her with a dull expression, shaking his head. "You see that red stain?" With his index finger, he pointed a small dark red stain near the right armrest. "Shay's birthday, two years ago, we had a bit too much wine, she laughed at my stupid joke so damn hard that she dropped her glass on the couch…"

"Kelly - " She reached out to touch his cheek.

"It's just…All these stuff bring back memories, Erin…can't keep them."

"Okay." Lindsay's lips lifted upwards, the smile not staying on her face for long. "Herrmann's clan would be happy to have a TV."

"Yeah…I've left a few DVD's in that cupboard as well…"

"Now that you mentioned DVD's - " Erin grinned. "How does a cinema evening sound? "Unfinished Business" starts in fifty minutes." She looked at him with a cheeky smile.

"If it's as boring as the last movie we saw - "

"Halstead watched it last week…"

"He's seen it?" Kelly's eyebrows furrowed. He couldn't help it but laugh when Lindsay looked at him, amused. "We need to keep up with him."

"So we're going?"

"Oh yeah…but I need to change my shirt first."

Xxx

"So, you're telling me you went out with more girls than Severide in high school?" Cruz asked the new Squad guy Chief had employed, Scott Rice, in a serious voice, Otis chuckling next to him, Matt reading his paper and listening to their talk with half ear. He wasn't sure whether to like the new guy or not, but with Capp stepping up as an Acting Lieutenant of Squad 3 while Severide was on suspension, they needed somebody to fill in the spot.

"Casey, my office!" Boden's angry voice sounded from the hallway. Leaving the paper on the table, Matt followed Chief to his office, closing the door behind. "It's only 7am and I've already had a terrible day!"

"What's up, Chief?" Matt dared to ask, soon to regret it. He sat on the chair across Boden's desk, expecting to hear what was going on.

"I've just got a call from Doctor Robert Shaw, a psychiatrist, does it ring a bell?"

"No." Casey answered truthfully.

"Severide's not mentioned anything about him?"

"No, Chief."

"Apparently, after what happened in court the other day, that judge ordered him to meet Doctor Shaw once a week, or the next one to be sentenced is gonna be him…the doctor's not heard anything from Severide!"

"Sentenced for what?"

"Assaulting Spellman, threatening to kill Hadley in court…do I need to continue?"

Casey sighted, not knowing what to say. "That Doctor Shaw called you?"

"He damn did!" Boden barked, hitting the top of his desk, making Matt jump. "He's been trying to contact Kelly for two days now, no result, so he's decided to call his superior, meaning me! And if Severide does not call him back by the end of today, he's gonna take Hadley's place in jail and meet that shrink against his will!"

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Okay, you're the best! Can't thank you enough for reading, reviewing and the continues support!**

**Hmmm, Hadley's out and wait, what? They're planning on hurting Casey? Ouch…It would definitely bring on more angst…and more Linseride and bromance of course! **

**Kelly's trying hard to keep up his promise and fight his demons, but is he really doing a good job? Probably not, ignoring the problems won't make them disappear (unfortunately)...and his words to Shay…How do you think the whole shrink problem would play out?**

**Another question – I really liked the new guy – Scott, in the last episode and actually think he might fit into the story (he knows Kelly since their teenage years, probably been friends with Andy Darden and has lost his wife). Would you like to see him in the story? **

**And finally, what do you think of the Kelly/Casey/Erin moments in this chapter? Thought that a cinema night with Lindsay wouldn't hurt while Matt's working, hope you like the idea.**

**I'd love to hear your opinion, no matter what it is, so please review! **** Thanks!**


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